By Donna Krache, CNN
Editor’s Note: Not In Our School offers resources to help adults empower students against bullying. You may also want to check out The Stop Bullying Speak Up campaign, sponsored by Cartoon Network, CNN and Time Warner, a student-centered approach that also offers educator and parent materials.
(CNN) - It’s an anti-bullying message designed to hit home with a different audience - adults. And it hits hard.
The set is an office breakroom. The office bully calls a coworker names, then pushes and threatens him, even as horrified colleagues pretend not to notice. One gets up from his table and scurries away. The victim is humiliated. The bully revels in the power.
In the end, the boss intervenes, but not to bring justice - just to tell the bully and the victim to "get back to work."
Anyone who watches the public service announcement, “Break Bullying,” would see no office would allow the scene to play out that way. In reality, it didn't: It was based on actual experiences from the producer's middle school years.
And that’s the point, according to the organization Not in Our School and Mike Nelson, the producer of the spot: If we wouldn’t stand for bullying as adults, why do we allow it to happen in our schools?
When Nelson’s boss at production house MAKE told him to do a piece on bullying, he jumped at it. Nelson was bullied in middle school and fell back on that experience to create a story that would resonate with adults who saw it.
He decided to use real images and real language. Even "bleeped out," the expletives are obvious and stinging. Nelson says that’s the reality of bullying.
“This is how it happens,” he told CNN.
The Not in Our School program focuses on what adults can do to help kids address bullying and make schools safe for everyone. Its site offers a guide to start a Not in Our School campaign as well as a video kit and links to anti-bully supports. It also features anti-bullying lesson plans for elementary, middle and high school classrooms.
Nelson’s anti-bullying message had a strong impact on Cohn-Vargas. An educator and daughter of a family that escaped the Holocaust, she notes, “Many adults have taken action from personal experience.”
Now that he's an adult, Nelson said, he's taking his own action against bullying.
“I basically played out my own experience in school,” he said. “I wrote that exactly as it was.
“That hurtful behavior sticks with kids for the rest of their lives."
Bullying is a major problem that occur not just in school but all over the community. This should be stopped before it could lead to something that we do not want to happen. I would suggest to used the safety solution that I am currently using. I knew it when my office mate introduced me to this service, it's called panic button. I find it interesting and useful. Check their site http://safekidzone.com/
This video is very accurate to how things happen in our schools. I have found through experience unfortunately that schools are much like the principal in the video – they will never acknowledge that someone is at risk because it sets them up for liability and lawsuits. Our daughter attended South High School in Torrance, CA and had to switch schools mid year last semester because of bullying. The school only made the problem worse. She was bullied on line then attacked by a girl who played with her on the soccer team. Afterwards, the soccer coach actually took a player and team parent vote on who he should kick off the team, and kicked her off even after he was told that our daughter would not be kicked off (she was found to have no guilt in the incident). The other girl was kicked off and at the end of the year, the coach was told to not let her attend the year-end banquet. When she showed up, he let her attend and also sit right across from our daughter, which made her so upset she had to leave. We raised these issues with the District's Superintendent and Board of Education, who ruled after the formal process was complete that the school had done nothing wrong. Throughout this ordeal, the principal also refused to speak with us or return phone calls several times.
We have since met other people who had bullying experiences at this school that were not addressed. Other schools have mentioned the coach should have definitely been fired just for taking a team vote, yet at this school there are no consequences for anyone.
If you are bullied stand up for yourself! All it takes is one time to stand up to a bully and it can turn it all around.
You people who think that standing up to a bully works – it doesn't always. I was bullied in school and only once did it work to stand up and fight back – almost every other time, I still dealt with the insults, the constant gossiping, the humiliation – the only thing that DID help was when adults stepped in and stopped the bullying. It only stopped when I graduated and left that town. Although a lot of the people who made my life miserable grew up (I got apologies from 3 of them) and got better, the bullying did not make me stronger in the future (like I've heard others who don't seem to have a clue what it was like say TOO) and I have no real desire to meet up with my former tormentors and "reminisce" about old times.
I'd be happy never to see most of them again – and it still affects me now, many years later.
I hope those of you saying "stand up" never learn what it's like to be on the end of the bullied. I guarantee you would never say "stand up" and "toughen up" if you were the victim.
If you are being bullied stand up for yourself, chances are that will be the end of it.
An accurate good friend . merely what individual overlooks ones disappointments and can handle ones success.
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Rarely do bullying and other social problems get solved as cleanly and permanently as they do in movies or public service vignettes.
bullying is terrible i see kids getting bullied and its just plane stupid... i think bullying is shallow and pathetic in school and just anywhere bullying should be stopped we should do as much as we can to stop bullying!!! physical and mentle bullying hurts so we should stop it fast and stop it now!
I was bullied regularly in elementary school by older middle school kids that did not belong on school premises. during high school I learned to evade bullies. During high school I learned that heavy weight training, supervised sparring, inflicting forced, bloody rhinoplasty and proferring threats of bodily harm afterwards were excellent abatement tools for bullying. Get fit, get even, get respect.
Atta boy get big get even
Check out this anti-bullying rap song to help spread awareness and understanding to teens!!! http://soundcloud.com/i-q-productionz/foggy-planes
If you have heart, it's an accident. If you don't have a heart, it's on purpose. "BULLYING" is no ACCIDENT!!!!!!!!!!!
There is another commercial which deals with bullying. It is the television, TV bundling commercial in which a student bullies a guest speaker by her snotty look and comment. The clueless teacher, who obviously has not prepared her students for dealing with guests, not only does not correct the smug girl but smiles and joins in the bullying at which point the offended, humiliated speaker, slinks off. This commercial may be intended to be humorous, but it shows poor and improper behavior at the expense of another person. If this is what school is like, we need to be teaching our students better. If this is what is selling products, shame on our society. This is an example of bullying and plain bad manners – on the part of students, adults, and teacher. I am disappointed that teachers have not protested their representation in this commercial. I hope parents are telling their children NOT to behave like this.
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Fwiw, I was bullied as a child. I once tried to bully another kid who I felt was lower on the social ladder. He grabbed my hair (it was the 1970's, so it was kind of long), and bounced my head off the concrete. I became his best friend and never tried to bully anyone else. My dad signed me up for Judo. A couple of years later I was being bullied by a bigger kid. One day he came charging at me, arm outstretched, heading for my face. I used a Judo throw (a "wrong side seonagi"), and broke his elbow (on purpose). Nobody messed with me again, and the kid whose arm I broke became my friend and never buliied anyone else. Since stopping a bully through their parents is usually hopeless (since their parents are usually horrible), the best thing for kids who are being bullied is to learn how to defend themselves. Most bullies aren't really very tough. You knock the wind out them, break one of their arms, or bang their head on the ground, not only do you build your own self-esteem, but you teach them a valuable lesson. I taught my kids that if anyone bullies and actually hits them, they should punch that person in the stomach as hard as they can. That generally ends the bullying, once and for all.
I too was a child of the 1970's but times have changed. I would venture to guess that now a days you would be hauled off to juvenile court for assault and worse case scenario would be your judo would get you nowhere against the guns kids carry now a days. Adults have to step in and stop it, children should not be fighting this fight alone.
Actually, cops would tell you that you have a short range for a gun to be effective in because the average person can close the gap too quick for the trigger pull to be lined up with the intended target. Judo was first used as a hand to hand style to also be used against a person holding a weapon of many sorts- there are a few of these disciplines that are left because it went more into tournaments. Riffles were among the weapons that were trained against- before the fall of the samurai. Even modern ninja use tatics derived from Judo and Ninjitsu to help them overcome a person with all types of weapons. I come from a Karate discipline, and I have used these skills to take away knives and pellet hand guns from people- without getting hurt myself.
I also think that in today's society if the victim fights back they face a chance of being punished more than the bully was, or equally punished which shouldn't happen if you are defending yourself.
Thank you so much. All of these anti-bullying programs, while well meaning, are far off base. Bullying is a normal part of a child's sociological development, and begging the alpha-children to back off will only result in more harassment. Bullying is a symptom of the victim's inability to conform to social norms. It's up to school's to instead council the child and teach him how to fit in.
Unfortunatley, he can't simply take a stand and break someone's face, because school's don't allow that anymore.
So, you are saying bullying is apart of our culture? Hmm, you got a point there, unfortunately.
Way to blame the victim.
Somehow, using physical force doesn't seem like the answer to this problem.
"Anyone who watches the public service announcement, “Break Bullying,” would see no office would allow the scene to play out that way." Really? Since when? There is a lot of bullying in the workplace.
"If we wouldn’t stand for bullying as adults,..." You're wrong about that. Coworkers watch the bullying and either do nothing or join right in. Management does nothing.
Bullies grow up and and become your boss and your coworker.
The message of the commercial is that if we saw an adult treating another human being that way, the consequences would be serious, so why do we think it's just "kids being kids" when it happens at school? Not to say that bullying doesn't happen to adults, but in a professional workplace, if you are shoving a coworker to the floor, etc. you will be fired right away. Adults watch that and think, "that would be totally unacceptable in my place of work." And that's the point! The end of the add says something like, "not ok for adults....not ok for kids." The people posting about that being unrealistic for an adult are missing the point – that's exactly what the commercial is trying to get you to think about. Unacceptable for adults, so let's apply that same logic to kids.
If someone is bullying you, you should stand up for yourself plain and simple, it is your problem and you should take care of it, i did when i was bullied when i was younger.
Sadly, the law protects the bully if the victim does anything about it.
I would just like to point out that poster #1 is a complete idiot in blaming former bullies turned teachers for raising all the current bullies. As a former teacher, I can tell you that many of my peers were BULLIED, not bullies in grade school, and almost all raise their children to treat others with respect. Bullies usually come from disfunctional homes where the parents and older siblings mistreat and/or ignore their children. Kids who are beaten at home, or who are made to feel worthless by harsh and/or innefective parenting, are the ones who feel the need to bully others. Good parents rarely raise bullies, and if they discover their child is bullying others, they do something about it. Bad parents are ones who care more about themselves than their kids, who ignore their children, and who deal with bad behaviors with hitting and/or insulting their children. Buliies usually have very low esteem, and this comes from their parents. They bully others to feel better about themselves, and when they grow-up...wait for it... they become Republicans.
Don't forget that bullies are also created by the parents that think their kid can do no wrong.
This comment board is unreal. Two schools of thought here -though not exclusive-:
There's no such thing as bullying and people need to man up.
You can't do anything about bullying, you might as well just be a victim.
Yep, nothing has changed in the world. Bullies and whiners still exist, *especially* on the internet. It's a good thing internet comment boards aren't my only means of social communication. My faith in humanity would be draining at a much faster rate.
Historically, just because bullying has been prevalent in schools does not mean it must always be that way. To date, bullying has never been adequately addressed on a large scale by school personnel and parents in a way that creates cultural change. It IS happening, however, in schools around the country. Its time has come. Children can thrive in ways that reach for beyond self-esteem and affect everything from communication skills to academic performance. Schools are now being created where diversity is celebrated and bullying is not tolerated by anyone. A natural extrapolation features a much more peace-loving adult society. If Mitt Romney had never sat on anyone and forced a haircut, he might be a very different kind of candidate today. (<–couldn't resist)
The problem with this is no that the bullying topic was aimed at adults, its that its too obvious. I went through the last three years, at two different companies being bullied and treated like complete dirt and there was NOTHING I could do about it. At the second to last job, it was so bad that there were other managers complaining about him to HR, and my whole department complained to HR separately at different times and nothing was done because the CEO liked him. At my last job, the bully was the owners daughter/HR so we couldn't do anything about it.
That's called creating a hostile work environment. You go higher up the food chain – Department of Labor. Then you get a lawyer and you don't be a blithering pan$y. You DO something about it. Shrugging your shoulders and saying "I can't do anything" is being part of the problem.
You sue your workplace and you never get hired again.
Someone better have a lot of savings behind them before trying to sue an employer because the person will sure have a hard time getting another job.
I like to push buttons with bullies. Either they back off or get physical. If they get physical, you win. Then you can take it to the police and have them arrested, after assult charges have been convicted, then file an injunction- restraining order. If your work place fires you during this time frame, you may sue them for wrongfully firing you.
I think you're missing the point. If you watch the WORDS at the end of the ad, you will see that the ad is actually about childhood bullying. What it is doing is showing an overt, unrealistic, and completely unacceptable scenario with adults. Most adults watching will think, "that would result in someone being fired right away if it were so overt and violent." Then the words at the end of the commercial say something like, "not ok for adults, not ok for kids." They are trying to point out that we intuitively hate seeing this with adults and find it ridiculous, "So why do we think this is ok with kids?"
Get thicker skin or suicide. When life gets tough, that just means you leveled up.
Please don't feed the trolls. Ignore stupidity like what's shown in this post and it will eventually disappear.
Bullying was tried in my high school but it was quickly stopped because everyone stood up against it. It was an age of values.
You are delusional if you think your school was able to stamp it out because it was a "better age." Bullying always happens and what usually happens is the victim finally gets angry enough to retaliate and THEN the administration does something – they punish the victim. Been there, done that, have the t-shirt from 12 different schools. If you actually think your school was able to stamp out bullying, I'd like to know when you went to school and what was the prevalent drug of choice.
Gager for emperor 2016!
Sadly, it's all too easy to tell from some of the comments that there are people here who were not only bullies in their youth, but are unrepentant about it and possibly even take pride in their past of tormenting others. I hope they don't have kids, but we all know better. A lot of child abuse cases come from the homes of people like this. These cowards will attack anyone who is weaker than they are, given half the chance.
This commercial is HORRIBLE. The behavior is highly exaggerated and unrealistic.
Clearly you didn't get it. You FAIL.
Sorry, but you are about as wrong as you could possibly be. The behavior depicted here is quite on point and totally realistic. You need to spend some time in a school. You obviously have either no experience in a school setting or you were a bully in school. Very clear. Regardless of which, it is not acceptable for you to be here lying about the content of this video. This is EXACTLY what bullying is like.
And I would just like to point out that you still have adults who engage in mental bullying in the workplace. I know this for a fact, because I've been the victim of such, and management did nothing to stop it.
Excuse me but I am 14 and see this all the time not only in Middle school, but elementary and high school so please think first
Having spent the entirety of my school career being bullied (always the new kid since we moved every year), I have to say you're full of crap. The commercial is, sadly, very realistic
That's the whole point – it is exaggerated for adult behavior (bullying is much more subtle among adults...usually). But, it is NOT unusual or exaggerated behavior among kids in schools. Ask any middle school student.
Seriously? Which alter reality do you live in?
You dumb a$$ parents are nuts if you think it is not happening one way or another. Most learn for their stupid parents. I challenge you to talk to your kid, they see it, they might do it, you can make a difference. The problem is you are doing something else, yoga, drinking, meth, screwing, you're a bad parent if you don't look into it, you don't think that it is your problem, but it is.......I see it and do something about it, but the bully parents back the bully jack a$$ student and it starts all over again. You parents that let your kids bully other students make me sick. Most of you have no idea what happens in schools today.
We are not animals, yet.
Bullying in the workplace does occur. I work in a professional environment with highly educated and experienced people. My job is to provide support to our sales staff. One sales person regularly swore at me and called me names. I heard things such as “don’t be so f—g stupid”, “why don’t you use your f-g brain?”, and “why are you trying to f-k me over!” Finally, the person said they were going to fly half way across the country to “punch you right in the f-–g mouth!” Even physical threats made no impression on senior management. Three senior managers knew of the threat within minutes and didn’t care. None reported the incident to HR as required by company policies. Another made a joke about it for the next 6 months. Finally, when I did report it, nothing happened. The sales person was friends with the president of the company, who refused to acknowledge it, and (I assume) based on his direction the head of HR took no action whatsoever. The sales person toned it down after that but continued to find more subtle ways to harass me on a daily basis making my work environment hell. None of it stopped until I finally told the head of HR that I would hire a lawyer and sue if I was ever contacted by the person again. It then stopped immediately. No doubt this person had been a bully all his life since grade school.
I'm an 8th grade teacher and I deal wth bulleying behavior on an almost daily basis – I myself was bullied and do not stand by and let it happen to my kids. During a mandated scripted student rights and resposibilties lesson this year, the class discussion turned to bulleying, mainly a "what would you do if you saw someone being bullied" conversation. At the suggestion of some students I showed an anti-bullying you tube clip, created and acted out by students in another county, and based on the true story of their fellow classmate who was bullied and took his own life. It was powerful and my students left feeling that they should speak up if they witness another person beng bullied. One particularly sensitive student told her mother about the lesson. She told her that she was sad and felt compassionate for the girl in the video and couldn't stop thinking about it. The mother called the school and questioned why her daughter was subjected to such a lesson and I was subsequently "spoken to" by my admin. Bulleying is a very important topic and clearly on the minds of kids – who it seems more and more are turning to self-injury to deal with what they feel is inescapable – but perhaps this is why more is not done in schools on a regular basis. I was left thinking I should have just avoided the topic all together and stuck to the boring but safe script.
That's the crux of the problem – one person's "bullying" is another's "instructing".
Thin-skinned people will feel "bullied" when someone asks them to move their shopping cart from blocking the entrance to a shopping aisle.
A manager doesn't "bully" you. He/she ensures you are doing your job, to which you have no RIGHT, and are employed there only if you prove your worth continually.
Yes, bullying is bad. But it DOES NOT occur just because someone was offended.
Why does it not surprise me to see a republican defending bullying? NOBODY is going to consider it bullying if you ask them to move a cart out of the way if you do it politely. Unfortunately, many people don't know the meaning of "polite," thus it CAN be bullying. There is a major difference between POLITELY asking a person to PLEASE move the cart so that you can get by, and follow the request with a "thank you" when obliged, and saying
"Move that cart out of the way!"
Or "AHEM. You're blocking the aisle!" or "HEY, I'm WALKIN HERE!"
Likewise, a manager is supposed to be kind to his employees unless given reason not to be. He can make sure they're doing their job, but there's no reason to be a jerk about it unless the employee was being a jerk to him. If you're a manager, employees are NOT your slaves! This is a concept that few repubs seem to understand and they try to destroy any form of legal protection employees have. If they're not doing their job, fire them, but otherwise treat them with respect. You catch more flies with honey.
I think you misunderstand. It is not what you do (get the person to move the cart that is in you way) but how you do it. You can simply make a request with a "please" attached and skip the speculation on whether this person is "sensitive" and therefore you need not consider their feelings as legitimate, or you can address the person in a tone and content that clearly identifies that you have a right to assume that this person is ignorant, stupid, going to argue with you, will move it faster if you yell at them...well, you get the drift. The latter is bullying. Either approach will get the job done. One of them will leave you feeling powerful and your victim diminished, the other will let you leave as equals in the encounter. We are advocating the latter method.
I have also been bullied and I have kids of my own who are out of school now who wouldn't think twice about speaking out against bullies – and have done in the past. I understand and can empathize with others that have been bullied. I must say that, having raised three kids of my own and even having helped raise a few others, I don't know which schools would have an issue of bullying in any one classroom, or even an entire grade level, "on an almost daily basis." There must be something seriously wrong in that school. While I can admit there are some parents out there who seem rather over-protective, or even completely lacking, I must admit I'm tired of having blame shifted to the parents for situations taking place in school. Yes, it's our responsibility to "raise them right" but there must be some culpability placed on the school once the child is in their care. And I just have to add, I am not a teacher but I can say it worries me that an 8th grade teacher spells the word "bullying" wrong not once but a total of three times.
Heaven forbid someone mispell a word!! I get sick and tired of the "Grammar Police" correcting other's posts on this site. Many people are typing on cell phones (as I am) and not every word can be correct 100% of the time. Please be kind. Thank you
I am not sure what shangri-la your children attended, but bullying is everywhere, and condoned by many as "part of growing up". After my youngest daughter, wa beaten by a football player because she didn't want to give up her seat, we were informed because she grabbed his shirt on the way down, that it was a fight and she was suspended. Following that she was bullied on facebook, continually, the school messanging services, and came home covered wth bruises weekly. The school nurse tried to intervene and the principal told them to back off or lose their job. I pulled my daughter from school the day the same boy came up behind her in the cafateria poored food all over her and hit her with the tray. By the way my daughter was Student Counsel president and head of Chorus and Honor society. You see bullies don't care, once they get away with it once thats it. Before you minimize something ask your children about it I am sure you would be very surprised about what you never knew.
i'm typing on a tablet, and luckily i don't teach spelling. you'd be surprised at how children act when not in the presence of their parents – yes, even YOUR precious gems. kids "jone" and "go on" each other as a regular means of social interaction that, for all intents and purposes, is bullying...and i spell checked that just for you ;-). as someone who is not encultured in the modern teenage etiquette, i wouldn't expect you to relate, but i wouldn't judge any school until i had to face the daily challenges of that particular environment if i were you. and yes, there are many days when i leave my public school in a widely praised county thinking i can NOT send my kids to public school.
I am also a teacher and I applaud you for doing the right thing and showing that video. It's a daily struggle with the youth of today and it's so sad. The students who left your class were able to learn something important. Please don't allow that one parent to discourage you from doing what needed to be done. Sometimes, sticking with the "safe script" isn't what our students need to grow into loving and caring adults. Thank you Ms. Teacher
@Mythica, I'm so sorry your daughter was bullied so badly and had to leave school. It's a shame when it goes that far. I'm not sure if your comment was directed to me, but I am in no way minimizing anything concerning this topic. I hope everything worked out for your daughter and she can have peace in her life. I know how it feels to be bullied and how it can stay with you for years. Best of luck to you and yours.
All of the bullying PR is getting to the point of ridiculous. Just another reason for people to pat themselves on the back for being morally conscience...on this CNN message board for example. Bullying is a big part of the American culture. It's the way we treat each other as well as the way we treat other countries.
You could not be more wrong. You are part of the problem. Please stop trying to justify uncivilized behavior. Stand up for something worthwhile, or get out of the way...
People like Scrape imagine some sort of paradise where the only law is that "might makes right". Unfortunately, one thing people like Scrape never take into account is that there is always someone bigger and meaner than you, and while Scrape thinks he'd be the big bad bully, he'd most likely be getting bent over a table by Big Bad Bubba. Either that or, you know, people snap and go all Columbine on the type A d-bags who think they deserve whatever they can get through intimidation and violence.
I would have given this bottom feeder a NY ass kicking.
Bullying starts in the home. One thing we can also take from this video, that might not have been the intent, is the adult abusers at work are raising little bullies...who will grow up to be big bullies...and the cycle continues. Most kids learn this behavior or adults fail to address their little bully when he/she is young.
Maybe our BigSD vice president should be in the ad as he was boorish the other night when he bullied the poor moderator and then rudely laughed while his opponent spoke. He made Al Gore look like a mature 8th grader, I mean a mature 8th grader. Maybe it's a vice president Napolean complex paying out having to screw around with these darn debates!! I'm a BSD! A world traveller man!
oh please....he was awesome. He called out Ryan's LIES...that is NOT bullying.
Whine, whine, boo hoo!!! Big Bad Joe picking on poor defenseless little Eddie Munster!
Boo, hoo, poor little baby!!!!!!!
Right, and when Romney threatened to remove funding for the network that employs the moderator of his debate, while staring the moderator in the eyes, that was just innocent and sweet.
I think in 2016 I'm going to try and run as the Republican candidate. Eventually I'll put out an ad encouraging my supporters to go into their kitchens and drink all of the bottles under the sink. I'll bet that 99% of those die hard idiots who think the world is 6000 years old, that global climate shift is a lie, and that Obama was born in Kenya, will blindly do whatever someone with a little R next to their name says.
His name is Jamal and you expect him to learn to spell?
Ooh, racism and bullying, all in one small package. How edgy. Not hard to figure out which side of the bullying issue you'd be on, since racism is just bullying people because of their race...
Yeah, just like we expect you to think.
You know, if ignorance is bliss this guy is one happy human being.
There is nothing worse than a bully and nothing more fulfilling than taking one down. If you can't physically take action at the time of being bullied, there are several methods of dealing with a bully, public humiliation is always the sweetest. I have no pity for bullies and almost cherish the times when I have to deal with one.
Yeah, I'll bet you can run like the wind!
Well, we all know which you were...still playing the bully.
Is that you Norman? Are you still bitter about me holding you down while the kids you bullied, bound you with duct tape and tossed you in the janitor's closet? Some punks never learn. Let me know when you're ready for another lesson.
I used to ride the bus to school, and there was one guy who always took an entire seat, swaggering and not sharing space even though it was crowded, no matter how politely he was asked. He was a bully in the halls, too, always heckling etc. surrounded by his smirking toadies. I was very shy and never spoke up, but one day I had a bad morning and was irritated when I got on the bus. Bully guy did his usual staring down routine, but I ignored it and popped right into the seat, scooting him over with my hip and saying 'move over' in a telling-dogs-what-to-do kind of voice. Stunned silence from him, and funny thing how he never met my eye or said one rude thing in the hallways again.
The Media is trying to turn Men into effeminate cowards who won't stand up for anything, and trying to turn women into masculine, pseudo-males.
The Media is the Bully!
How classic. The self-inflicted ignorant little man completely misunderstands the whole point of the campaign. Get someone else to help you comprehend: "If we wouldn’t stand for bullying as adults, why do we allow it to happen in our schools?" Metaphor.....
Yeah, it's always the media's fault. Either that, or Obama.
Wake up, chief. Nobody's trying to do anything of the sort.
you sound like those bullying Media pigs, the Weinstein Brothers, who are pushing this crappola...
Too bad Big Government can't get rid of dimwits like you.
Bullies are evolutionary throwbacks and should be treated as the wild animals they are! If you can't treat people in a civilized manner, you don't deserve freedom.
Oh my. Where is Hewlett-Packard going to recruit their managers from, if this goes viral?
I was bullied today at school by thugs in a truck and a SUV blasting rap. It was awful. Rap is all about bullying. Those who blast it from cars force their darkness on others. They need to be dealt with either by the authorities. Blind Samson.
And I feel bullied by people who're eating beets in front of me. It's disgusting, and it offends thine eye! Stop eating beets you evil, evil minions of Satan. Yuk.....
So, all the bullies or ignorant are posting their profound comments. I thinks pants hanging down so low you trip and can't run to catch the bus....but I do try not to laugh out loud or point every time I witness a 'fashion' mishap...maybe not technically bullying, but it is humiliating. lol
It does stick with you, that's for sure. I ran into a girl who bullied me in elementary school and it was instantly just a feeling of crushing dread and fear even though we were both adults at that point. I literally wanted to run and hide just like I did when I was a little girl. In fact I sort of did, I departed the conversation as soon as it wasn't rude to do so and high-tailed it outta there.
Kids will always bully each other to some extent, it's natural to have conflicting personalities and the village jerk. But it seems like the parents of the bullies are really making it worse these days with the "precious little snowflake" mentality and the refusal to properly discipline their kids. Back in the day a kid who was caught misbehaving would get swatted or at least sent to bed early. Now it's ten minutes on the naughty step, if that.
Parents of bullies often think that it's good that their little darling is "tougher" or "more popular" than everyone else. We should punish both the bullies and their parents.
I've often wondered why it is that when adults do these kinds of things we refer to is as "harassment" or "assault", but when kids engage in the same behavior we sugarcoat it and call it "bulying".
What's saddest to me is that we have all these rules and regulations in place to prevent this type of thing from happening in our work place(s), yet expect kids who don't know the world yet to be able to conduct themselves accordingly without those rules and regulations when we obviously can't expect the adults to do that very thing themselves, else we wouldn't need those rules and regulations!
True, there are official consequences for bullying, harassing and abusing co-workers, you can get fired, even charged with a crime. Yet, when it happens in schools too many people state it's happened for years and the abusers are ignored until someone really gets hurt. We've had a lot of things that went on for years that needed to be changed, but since most of them involved adults they had many advocates.
If you believe workplace bullying does not occur read the book, Nightmare at the Newspaper War. You are on your own. Yes, it's a jungle, but if managers outright lie about you while the union pretends you're a big troublemaker when just yesterday you were okay ... and co-workers head for the hills .. what to do? Schools are adopting a no-bully policy – it should be in place at work as well. Not that this policy works all the time, but at least it's something and you can point out the irony when the policy doesn't work as it must have "jungle teeth" to work and it must be enforced.
Having been in the corporate world, I don't think this ad is too far off the mark. I've seen bullying and intimidation worthy of middle school in many a meeting. In fact, often it's the bullies who rise to the top, unfortunately. They honed their skills in middle school, going home to parent bullies who don't see anyting wrong with the behavior. They get subtle reinforcement in television shows and by watching members of Congress push each other around. Our entire culture bullies. Don't think so? Look at words like "wimp," "pansy," "gay" (describing anyone who doesn't exhibit macho behavior), and a host of others. Just look at the bullying on these comment sites.
That video shows assault not bulling.
kargy... you have highlighted a major problem... our misconception about what bullying is. We try to isolate the two, but in many cases (not all) they are one in the same... Bullying should be classified as being a criminal act just as assault is.
If you don't retaliate when another man pushes/touches you, then you deserve to be bullied.
that is the point. No one deserves to be bullied
So then Gandhi deserved to be beaten up in your world.
So you feel it's appropriate then to blame the victim? Sorry, that's not the way it works in a civilized society.
Gandhi sat around all day in diaper and frequently drank his own urine. His people have an average IQ of 81. Overrated!
bluedogboy: based on what you just wrote, you are either 1) a bully, 2) supporter of bullies, or 3) a parent of one. You probably also had no regard for school rules growing up, and have no respect for the law, now, because physical retaliation only gets you into trouble. The legal system tends to punish anyone who chooses to fight back (physically) against bullying.
And if you bully someone, you deserve public summary castration.
Nice story. Yeah, part of being an adult is standing up for yourself, and in the workplace just tell them to take a flying leap. What are they going to do. Get themselves fired. LOL Otherwise your just a whiney cry baby, now kids on the other hand are the ones that need to get control of their behavior, Not everyone can cope efficiently with others stupidity and that can escalate into something that is way to late to retry. Not that that matters to me. I think culling was in order long ago.Its just sad that dumb people are so prevalent that everywhere you go, there they seem to be.Now if some bully will just mash my head in with a brick. I'll fit right in and won't be bothered by my lack of peers anymore.
Depends on what color or lifestyle you are. HR usually is too worried about getting sued to support you, if you're white and straight. These types say and do whatever they want, and then turn the tables if you try and complain. Make an issue and you'll get fired. Minority equals power in the workplace, and in court.
Listen to all these right-wingers on here taking offense that some horrible "liberal" (read: anyone who thinks about issues and cares) didn't ask their permission to take an anti-bullying stance. Apparently no good deed goes unpunished by conservatives.
This site was about one person's way to make it clear that bullying in school is not acceptable. But by the detractors I read on this site, they come up with their answers. "Grow up, you liberal leaning ignoramus, and blame those snivelling victims for being different and gutless." WOW. So it comes down to politics. Yikes. Glad you informed me. Glad to know conservatives got the answer.
It could be an article about the rising price of kidney beans and the conservatives would be out in force saying this is the fault of Obama and the liberal mentality making food more expensive. If kidney beans were getting cheaper, they'd say it was Obama and the liberals ruining the market for farmers. And BTW, Al Gore did not invent kidney beans, even though he claims he did.
You missed the mark by a mile, folks. Real adult bullying is more subtle. It involves setting people up to fail or otherwise look foolish and weak. It involves gossip, exchanged looks, ganging up on the target. Women are especially cruel to other women they find threatening. I have been the victim of such behavior so many times I cannot count them. The term "hostle workplace" was coined to encompass a wide range of misbehavior. You do a disservice to the victims of bullying by focussing on the most egregious and obvious type.
I think the point they're trying to make is that if the sort of bullying that happens in school were happening in the workplace, it would be seen as outrageous. The behavior of the bully, the boss and the co-workers would never be tolerated in an adult professional environment and yet it's happening at school all of the time. The subject is school/"underage" bullying, not, as you correctly point out, the usually more nuanced and subtle workplace bullying.
Well said Fiona.
Bullying is practised on the playground and continues to play out throughout our lives. How can we solve the bullying problem in schools when many of the children's "role" models, at home, are bullies themselves? This isn't a childhood issue...it's human conditioning and will continue until we learn to respect each other no matter what age, gender, colour or creed.
And people wonder why I hang out with other women only rarely. Spent too much time being bullied by them as a girl and never regained trust in my own kind.
So true, Fiona! I was many years in the corporate world and other women were by far the most trecherous bullies. One time I was pulled aside by a friend from another dept and warned of an organized "witch hunt" by a group of women determined to get me fired because our dept head had expressed that she was impressed with my work. And these women in their late 20's and 30s were vicious. It was alot like the bullies in grade school, just with women in designer clothes, status bags and expensive highlights! Once a bully, always a bully. It's a sick power play and so tragic it has reached such heights in our schools.
Well said Fiona!! I've witnessed this behavior where I work. I've witnessed the gossip, dirty looks, and ugly talk behind a co workers back. It always seems to get back to that person and I can tell you that it's very hurtful. I will not listen to gossip or participate in the behavior that goes on because I was bullied in Elementary and Middle school. It stays with you forever. In fact, I work with someone who bullied me in school. Of course she never brought it up, but I keep my head up high and do my job making sure my students aren't treated the way I was treated.
What a p-u-s-s-y???!! that dude does that to ANY adult that I know, I have ever known, and will ever know and his a-s-s will be grass. This add is simply unreal
learn to spell, and to think while you are at it
Not if you want to keep your job. In reality, the guy who attacked you would be fired, while the guy who did not retaliated would keep his. Point is, it is not allowed in the work place, why should it be allowed in school? Plain and simple, it shouldn't be, period.
Thank you for grasping the really not *that* subtle point of the ad. Lots of folks seem to be missing it...
Yes but Dodge Pickups driving up the sides of buildings is totally real.
I was bullied up until the 8th grade. (I went to school in the 60's & 70's). Up until then, the teachers who oversaw the kids on the playground at recess often saw bullies shoving me around and such, but when I complained, I was told to just walk away and "ignore them". They also told me that if I shoved them back that I would be the one in trouble!! All that stopped one day during P.E. in the 8th grade. A girl bully shoved me and I snapped: I punched her in the nose so hard I knocked her to the ground! We both got detention for 2 weeks but the bullying stopped.
This is the only lesson a bully has ever, or will ever respect. Bullies don't do talking as typically they insecure because they can't reason as well as the ones they bully. I had to deal with bullies growing up, and at the advise of older family members I stopped it by standing up to a bully, doesn't have to be punching or shoving them, often verbally yelling back is enough, but talking reasonably is not. This whole idea that someone who is bullied should run to tell an authority instead of standing up for themselves perpetuates the problem instead of solving it.
Liberals are by far the bullies in public life. If you disagree with them, even when its a common and politely stated disagreement, they call you names, attack your personality, try to ostracize and alienate you, and even work to destroy your economic security. We see this every day played out on these forums and in the media.
Pedro – grow up. This isn't the time nor place – your comment adds nothing to the issue at hand.
Your troll-fu is weak
You're correct – I am leaving comments that have nothing to do with the issue of bullying....it's just that I never have anything clever to say, and am too unfamiliar with politics to actually provide an insightful comment about anything! It's been a problem of mine for a long time – I watch Fox News and I regurgiate what I can remember from it....when it comes time to voting, same deal. Romney is just an easier name for me to recall, and thank goodness it's at the top of the ballot!
And you are what is wrong with this country. Good Job.
Obviously, you are being sarcastic.
Are you kidding me? The Republican radicals are by far the biggest bullies. The false emails being distributed with outright lies are of the greatest magnitude ever seen. 30% of Republicans believe Obama is a Muslim? The birthers? People on TV with tshirts reading "Put the WHITE back in the WHITE house"? Calling him a communist?
Nothing, nothing, nothing, compares to the radicalism that have overtaken the one-respectful Republican Party. I know, I used to love the party and the class we once had. I can't even recognize it anymore.
How's it feel to be clueless and a sheep incapable of thinking for yourself?
Pedro, have you watched even a second of the Fox "News" channel?
You're non-sequitor is baffling to me.
The issue is bullying, not liberals.
But if you must discuss the issue – I'll weigh in on it.
Yes – liberals can be a smug pain at times – but their moral compass is usually stronger than conservatives in my experience.
I mean you can choose two different approaches to that issue
1) A person that wants to end food stamps and let people starve to death in the richest country on earth
2) A person who believes that food is a basic necessity for well being and self improvement – and thus people should be fed as a basic moral right.
I'll choose option #2.
Social Darwinism was tried in several countries in the first half of the twentieth century – most notably under Hitler & Stalin. We saw the result – millions died in those countries. We rightfully condemned the brutal practices in those regrimes and have adjusted our moral compasses as a result. Letting millions of people on food stamps starve to death is not the answer. Hitler & Stalin might like that idea though.
I would say die hard political hacks on either end of the extreme who support either party to an almost religious level are the bullies on here. Just remember everyone, vote all democrat or vote all republican, either way it is better than thinking and making your own choice on the issues and candidates!
Why are there more campaigns out there to try to teach kids stop bullying than there are to teach kids to love their classmates and peers?
The aim might be ok, but the delivery is only half-hearted.
Well...I find your premise inconsistent with personal choices. Maybe we don't have to love everyone, much less even liking them. Our natural personality functions such as hate & love are important and should not be legislated.
Your a joke
Dear Lord, YOu are soooooo defensive. What is your problem..???
How men have stopped society from bullying them: MANHOOD101. COM
Manhood: bully me I kill you, be bullied kill yourself. Simple I guess when you bring it down to doing what is in our nature.
I completely agree with you Toronaga, but at the same time, doesn't mean that you should bully them. It just means you can ignore them, not hang out with them, heck, you don't even have to say hi to them. Cursing and hitting people though is unexceptable.
Well, technically there isn't a law against bullying either. It's not really something you can legislate–to tell someone not to say mean things to others. My idea is more that if you try to teach virtue as opposed to teach not to be unvirtuous. Finally, I have a feeling that you and I probably think of love a bit differently–which is ok, but perhaps a more appropriate way of expressing what I mean is to teach kids to be polite and respectful of one other.
no you can not legislate verbal bullying. But when you fist comes in contact with my face then there is sure legislation against assault.
"Our natural personality functions such as love and hate are important and should not be legislated."
... What planet are you from. Who thinks like this?????? I mean seriously.
No one is saying that you can't love or hate (dislike) someone. They are saying that you can't abuse, exploit, or hurt that person. There is a world of difference.
And yes – bullying should be outlawed (abolished). Love and hate are fine so as long as you don't use those feelings to abuse or exploit others.
Above all else – society should demand a strong moral compass for all. So yes – bullying should be legislated – preferrably at the federal level to show that the WHOLE country has a unified value system. And no use of the 10th amendment should be used to argue in favor of some kind of perverse moral relativism here such that one state should have a lower moral standard than another. (see slavery & the civil war arguments on the 10th amendment for historical cases of twisted southern moral relativistic logic)
Maybe the person who thinks he is being bullied is actually the person with the problem. Maybe he is too mentally weak or maybe he lost the argument/confrontation because he lacked the evidence/facts to win. To make the argument against the bully you first must clearly define what a bully is. It isn't a person who calls you a name or what you are.
Spoken like a true bully, always blame the other person, never be accoutable.
If someone is being called names and punched, I don't think the issue is the victim being weak. The issue is the bully is a bully! And is victimizing someone! For heaven's sake. Would you want this happening to your child? Of course not.
Why would you try to blame the victim? That is insane.
And I was a victim of a bully, at work. And the bully was the boss. There was not much I could do about it as he did his little tricks when no one was around but us. And if I had said something, he would have said 'oh I was just kidding'. or 'can't you take a joke?" But bullying is bullying. Calling names, teasing etc is NOT OK. At school or work. Are you a bully?
You are being ignorant.
Tell that to a 10 year old who just got called ugly in front of their peers. What facts do you need to refute that?
Perhaps you are the office bully and therefore cannot look from the other perspective. Someone who blames the victim just smells like someone who has experience on the other side. Bullies, by definition: A person who uses strength or power to harm or intimidate those who are weaker. I hope you never have a child who goes through bullying – and you teach them to become the bully – which just perpetuates the problem.
To weak minded people, everyone who confronts you is a bully. You confuse your own personal deficiencies and think the other person is somehow cruel and abusive. If your boss 'torments' you....leave. They do not want you there; so why do you persist on staying. This entire discussion is about ADULTS not school yard problems and young bodies & minds. Get a grip and stop playing the pity card.
Apparently, you didn't read the article. The filmmaker chose adults to show adults what it's like to bully and be bullied – some people don't understand bullying at the middle school level. They think it's normal and that teasing is just for fun. It's interesting that you'd use the term "confront". Since you're not able to think of this as a middle school "confrontation", let's look at it from the adult point of few: Why is making fun of someone's suspenders and getting up from the chair and pushing them a "confrontation" to a "weak minded" person? Do you think the "weak minded" person deserved it? Does anyone deserve to be treated that way?
U r a perfect bully
You're moral compass is broke. Please get it fixed ASAP.
Why can't you just leave weak people alone? Why must you pick on them?
WOW! Everyone bow down! The mightly Lord Toronaga has spoken! I really have to laugh at your foolishness and obvious ignorance. I hope you haven't already pro-created. That would truly be a crime against humanity.
Victims are not responsible for the situation – only the perpetrator is.
Legal/Moral authority is designed to protect victims, not to condemn them. That is what separates a person with "a sense of justice" from a "sociopath".
I was bullied by a Dr at Kiezer Permanent yesterday. He falsely accused me of ranting at his staff. I had no clue what he was talking about but he refused to check the lump in my nose. He refused to exam me and kept on accusing me that I had been ranting to his staff. He stood over me as I was sitting on the exam chair and I was alone in the room with him. He picked up several instruments and would slam them down on the counter. I demanded another party come into the room and that I see another Dr. I filed several complaints about him but I will NEVER forget how unnerving and dehumanizing he was. It took me months to get that appointment and in the mean time the lump in my nose is not getting any smaller. A good resource to learn about Sociopaths is: "The Sociopath next Door" By Martha Stout, Ph.D She states that one in 25 Americans are sociopaths – folks who bully are included in this description.
don't be bullied into accepting Global Warming or Illegal Aliens by the Media
Media Is The Bully. I am a farmer and global warming is very real. Here is the NASA website that has been monitoring this issue for decades: http://www.NASA.Gov Since the NET to you is questionable, I would think you can call them as well.
There's too much conservative bias in the media these days. Stop drinking the Fox News/Talk Radio kool-aid and start watching real news networks like CNN, Headline News, or ABC, NBC, CBS.
Bullying has gotten much worse in the 'at will' employees life. And if those who believe unions are evil, well just wait till you're on the receiving end and are become a nervious reck worried all the time about being fired over any reason cause you're an at will employee. I've gone head up with the best bullies at my job and they all got the memo about kissing my backside. I do my job, I am on time and because I work to support myself and not make friends don't try it with me. Now yes we need to address this on the 'kid level' but why bother if employers bully them as adults?
Bullying at the workplace is the best example of Karl Marx's theory of exploitation in action.
Bullying is exploitation – plain and simple.
Kids! this happens to the adults where I work! And when you say something! You just paint a bigger target on your back! We were all told that this should be discussed with the person on a one to one basis and that was it! Our union knows about it and chooses not to do anything for the same fear! The kicker is... we all work for a school system! The same place you try to teach children not to bully we have in full force! And no where to turn!
I think that everyone here can agree on three presumptive facts.
#1) Bullying is wrong.
#2) Bullying happens all the time, to many different people.
#3) Bullying can take many different forms.
I can speak on bullying first hand, because from 3rd grade until now (I'm 28, and financially successful) I have been bullied in some form or fashion. The primary lesson I have learned from being bullied is that caving in to it or whining to the people in authority at every opporunity makes a person weak. Authority figures will NOT always be there to save you; if you haven't yet learned that important life lesson, you need to stop being such a spoiled wimp.
Some of the worst bullying in my life happened in school, (where a zero tolerance program was in effect, by the way) and rather than lie down and cry about it, or take my own life, I started working out and learning to fight. I beat the guys who were bullying me in fights that I let them start. i didn't go looking for trouble, but when it found me, eventually I was ready. I destroyed them so completely that I was never messed with in school again because, at heart, all bullies are cowards and are projecting their own insecurities onto others. it wsa painful and unpleasant, but I stood up for myself then, and I do now – not by beating up people who push me around, (although I have had to do that on occasion) but by refusing to let others control me.
There will always be bullies. It is nobody's fault but the bully's, that he/she is a bully. If a person can't cope and they engage in self destructive behavior, it is nobody's fault but their own. Trying to cast blame on anyone else is a waste of time and effort, and is as shameful an act as the bullying. You must learn to be responsible and accountable for your OWN actions, not the actions of others. The only person you can control is yourself. To all those who say that the teachers need to do more, or the parents of the bullies need to be punished, I say, "why are you bullying the teachers and parents?" You are no better than the bullies.
Excellently stated my friend.
@thickskin n really? Now that you're all grown up I"m sure it's easy to say that people should be more thick skinned and stand up for themselves and get in fist fits with their abusers. The fact is that the most damaging form of bullying typically occurs when children are at their most vulnerable with still developing brains on how to respond to conflict. A lot of them don't even know why they are being singled out or picked on and usually it is multiple bullies against one person which makes standing up for yourself extra intimidating. There is no question that bullying is a major problem across our country and it often has far reaching effects into adulthood, my brother who was repeatedly bullied for his weight as a youth is a prime example. When you speak in broad generalities like that it makes you look cold and misguided.
Good thing your financially secure !!! Mr Thick skin !
I think the ad LOSES its impact because of its lack of realism. By the time you're in a workplace environment, hopefully you've had enough life experience and gained enough maturity to know how to stand up for yourself in such a stupid situation as this. While I wouldn't want to defend bullying in schools, I think it builds character (within limits). The adult "bullying" I think people are talking about is more along the lines of light hazing. Meaning adults put up with it because they want to get ahead. If they don't, they can take a job as a Walmart greeter.
Bullying "builds character?" Maybe. But why on earth is it an acceptable means to do so? Surviving a horrific injury builds character too, but no one is advocating physically maiming children to that end. Emotionally or mentally maiming them is no different. Just because the wounds aren't bloody and obvious, that does not make them something less devastating.
Unfortunately workplace bullying is a VERY REAL thing. It may not be as verbal and "in your face" but it happens every day and often times management either looks the other way or helps by adding momentum to an already unpleasant work atmosphere. Many times you would thing that going to H.R. would have some kind of effect, but what do you do when your Manager and the Director of your department is in league with upper management and with H.R. There are many people out there that take pleasure in hurting others if only to make themselves feel more in control and more powerful of someone or something.
really? Did you get the point of all this. Of course this would not happen in a work place, not many would stand for it. But it does happen in schools. The point is a child does not have the resources adult do. Or the maturity. A teacher cannot just say "get back to class" nothing learned. My guess is the bully has parents like you and Sputnick. If you faced this harrassment on a daily or more often basis I can't see you turning the other cheek and "grow up and get on with it."
You're a nincompoop! Really. Bullying ads character? How crazy is that? And you think adult bullying is just teasing? Not so. I was bullied at work, by my male boss, for 8 years. Ridicule, insults etc. Who could I go to? He WAS the boss. And he was very sly and never did it in front of witnesses. I had to rely on him for my evaluation and it was a 2 person office. The bully and me. You really need to re-think your opinion. I think. Bullying is real and sometimes ends up in people being hurt or killed.
Columbine character or just regular, run-of the -mill character? Bullying is just another term for abuse. MANY abusers were once abused themselves... How is that for character? Kids are pushing each other to extremes, killing each other over passing gas and you think this builds character? Bullying fills prisons.
Bullying does not build character – it causes psychological damage. That is the truth, plain and simple. If you disagree with me, you are wrong – end of story.
It's time to abolish bullying.
to Jay NYC: You completely missed the point. Most people would not stand for this in the work place where you are the victim or a bystander... so why is it glossed over in school. That was the point. Clearly you don't under stand what bullying is, saying the actions could be light hazing. Light hazing... really? Hazing IS BULLYING. Hazing is reportable and punishable in highschools, colleges, grade schools, the military, and in local, state, and federal employement. There is no such thing as light hazing... it IS hazing. that is like saying "light rape" or" light stealling" or light killing" or "light abusing". I hope you are a good person that just didn't quite get it, I hope that as a child you were taught right from wrong. As adults we often marginalize some of our own actions and those of others with the idea of a shade of gray, we tell our selves that a situation is not black and white.
But we all know in our heart the difference between right and wrong. Just because an action does not cause visable, physical or seemingly lasting damage does not meen it is harmless, ok or not a big deal. Calling it light hazing is trying to put a less offensive term on an offensive action. Like saying horseplay instead of fighting, or "playing keep away" in stead of saying stealing. taking a kids books or back pack and trowing it back an forth (keep away) is not a game nor is it fun for the kid who owns the item. The kid did not choose to "play" he is being forced to amuse his tormentors. And for the record keep away is STEALING, THEFT, and unlawful possesion. Some one reading this may think I'm overstating it, however if you do : try playing keep away at a bank with the banks money, are at a store with the merchandise. Try playing keep away with a cop, I garuentee he won't be laughing.
As for bullying, pushing, tripping, spitting, hip checking, stealling, verbal attacks, booby traping lockers, written taunts, and the list goes on and on. All of these things are ILLEGAL. If an adult did them he can be arrested, however when it comes ot our children we act as though it is not that black and white. Some how it is gray. I am the middle of 3 boys, I have 3 children, one boy and two girls. I do not tolerate mistreatment of any child mistreating another including my own.
Bullying is about a lack of self control, a sense of power, and feeling that the other person diserves it or can't do anything about it. This is the same mentallity murders have as well as rapist. Of course there is a big difference between those crimes, and I am NOT saying a bully will some how become a murderer or a rapist. What I am saying is, 20 years ago people actually took the stand in a rape case and said "look at what she was wearing, of course she wanted it". There was just a complete disconnect in the mind of the person this the action the took and the rights of others. So when people "bullies or bystanders" suggest that it was some how the victims faught that they were attacked, picked on,or embarrased... I take offensive.
As an adult i have called out bullies in the work place, in the mall, and every where inbetween for the last 17 years. I do not bully them back, I interfere. i put myself between the bully and the victim, and tell them there actions are offinsive. I call it what it is: " I will not tolerate your verbal abuse", " taking her yogart is STEALING, leave her alone".
i don't always make friends, and it has caused supervisors to be nervous. However 9 out of 10 times they stop, and about 8 out of 10 times it does not happen again. So I sleep good at night, because right is right, and wrong is wrong. We are all bter than that.... all of us.... lets not make excuses. theree are no shades of grey. do what is right, teach your kids to do the same, and do not tolerate hurtful actions from others.
This guy needs to grow up and get on with his life.
Now Son.... I told you not to bother the adults in the room. Go have a nap now. Poor child.
were you the bully in school, or the current bully in the workplace? How old are you? I am 65. Join in a conversation not give cheap shots like " grow up"
Scott's comments are naive, it is realistic, this type of stuff happens more than you think. I have lived it. It was probably more present in the 70's-80's-90's. I became a black belt in Tae Kwon Do in the 80's, that helped the self confidence factor to stand up to those arrogant idiots. Because most of them are blow-hards and will back down once you stand up to them. I have also learned to step in when something like that goes out of control and protect the victim. These arroganat idiots learn this in Jr High and High School and then until they grow a conscience, then into the workplace. It needs to be addressed and also the people who are watching doing nothing need to learn to grow a backbone. Long time coming to point out the bullying nature of humans in the workplace.
Most middle schoolers aren't prepared to handle a bully, they were just in elementary school a little while back when completely unprepared. The effects that bullying has on children is traumatizing, for anyone that thinks it's so easy to go face a bully. Feelings of rejection, inferiority for one reason or another, lifelong social anxiety, body dysmorphic disorder, these are all serious issues. It's when no body sticks up for you and you know that you've accepted that you are too incapable to handle the bully yourself. You eventually have to deal with the bully one way or another but the effects will always linger. Even if the rest of your life is in shape, you still avoid any situation which might lead to similar results. If your friends tease you in fun, it still arouses the same feelings. It's a shame that people think it's as easy as standing up to your bully. Try going to a dangerous neighborhood and if you ever get into a situation where someone decides to harass you let me know how you stand up for yourself.
Or we could just teach our kids to stop being such pu$$ies.
Or we could teach people to have a moral compass.
Why does it seem to me that the same people who are looking for help with bullies, are the same people who expect whoever is elected as the next President to be the "one" who fixes their problems? Listen up people... the next President, whoever it is, isn't the whole problem... just like these bullies, aren't the whole "problem." People need to stand up for themselves. Get knocked down?? Get back up. Get knocked down again?? Get back up again. Keep repeating the cycle if need be. I'm tired of everybody in this country waiting on others to fix their problems.
Many times kids are picked out to be bullied for reasons not in their control. They are often bullied by groups, so it is difficult to stick up for yourself, particularly if you are a small male. Yes, a big guy will punch out his aggressors, but not everyone is in such a position.
grow up and get a life
And there goes sputnick1 trying to be a bully with his keyboard...
What makes it more amusing is that we all know he's just a pimply child in his moms basement.
You are absolutely so wrong. Sounds to me you are a bully. I was tormented in Junior High School in the mid 70s. It was a terrible experience and no matter what I did they would not leave me a lone. I did stand up for myself – they tried to hunt me down after school and jump me. I tried to tell the school, they blew me off. My oldest daughter defended herself at school (as she was taught) in the ealry 2000's – she was suspended and the bully was arrested. You are putting kids in a box and they have no way out. It is real.
I completely understand that point of view. I stood idly by as others were bullied and I may have been bullied but was too oblivious to even care. I think a sense of compassion and understanding, as well as doing what's right seems to be lost on people like sputnick1.
Yes, you have to stand up for yourself but sometimes that's not enough. You need the support of other people, people with a conscious. And people who bully are just pathetic monsters who need to have attention and respect anyway they can get it.
In trying not to be a bully, I am going to answer your question as politely as possible. I was 5'5" by my Senior year in high school... big nose... wore glasses. Didn't have a girlfriend til I was 21. So I have to go back and look at why I wasn't really bullied? And if I WAS the bully, as you suggested, then my HS most likely wouldn't have had the kind of athletic successes that we did. That being said, from the comments I have read on here, it seems that I would have been a prime target for bullies... but I wasn't. Why? Because I took it upon myself to fix my problems. I know that going into any situation. Could everyone use help every now and then? Of course. Have I accepted help before at times. Yes. But it should never be expected. It is becoming expected.
Hey, I agree with you man – that you should take it upon yourself to solve problems. I even took a course in Behavior Modification to handle "disrespectful" people.
However, to expect the average 10 year old year to have advanced knowledge of behavior modification is a bit much – so we should lower the age to arrest kids for violence to 7 in order to give children the same protection from other children that adults have from other adults. If an adult punches me in the face – they are going to jail. Why should children have a carte blanche right to behave as abusively as they want to other people without the same sort of criminal repurcussion. The victim should have the power to call the cops and have the other child arrested. Personally – I'd say lock these kids up – empower the victims to be able to have the other child arrested. There would be a lot less bullying if the laws were rewritten in this matter.
As it stands right now – there is virtually no consequence for bullying – where as in the adult world we would treat punches and what not as physical assault.
Lastly I'll add that England has a malicious communications act (outlaws communication with the intent to cause anxiety or distress). We should enact that to combat teasing – since not all bullying is physical. I've taken a strong stance on teasing. Teasing is wrong – period – 100% of the time. It's time for people to clean up their acts in this country.
Actually standing up for yourself can actually make the situation worse if you don't do it right. That's something the stand up for yourself crowd will never tell you. Standing up for yourself can often escalate the problem to what the Dog Whisperer calls "Red Zone" type situations. That show is a great resource – and it helped me get an A in behavior modification. The key is learning how to deescalate potentially violent situations and knowing how to read people (like Sun Tzu teaches). The basic idea is to "kill" drama before it begins. Which is partially the reason we shouldn't glorify Shakespeare. Drama in real life is bad, so we shouldn't honor dramatic works – as if drama is something good and noble. It isn't.
Learning to control bad behavior in others takes time, practice, and patience. It also takes sound knowledge, self work, and discipline.
Remember this: The highest victories come from winning without fighting. You can defeat bullies with subtlety. That however requires a great deal of self awareness and emotional state control. A good model like Captain Kirk/The Dog Whisperer – anybody with a strong moral compass and sense of authority in his world for that matter. Bullies have a broken moral compass – they are sociopaths.
Yes, we need to stand up to our bullies. But who teaches us that lesson? Our parents, hopefully. But when our parents fail, should society say, tough luck, kid? If you parents didn't teach you to stand up for yourself, we're just going to sit around and let somebody kick the tar out of you.
Why not seek a balance? Personal responsibility coupled with community support? Why are our conversations always polarized to one extreme or the other?
Bullying is not an issue of personal responsibility. It's an issue of psychological abuse, exploitation, and assault. Why should we expect people to handle bullies who assault others. By the way, what the bully did in the video was assault – plain and simple. A punch to the gut is assault. We have a police force for a reason – I'd say it's high time we give them something to do.
Lets fill our jails with bullies instead of drug users. I don't care if my neighbor does heroin, but if he punches me in the face – I want him in jail – for a long time too. Such behavior shouldn't be tolerated – at all. It shouldn't be tolerated – neither in children – nor in adults. Lower the age for violent criminal offenders to 7 – and lock them up.
It's strange how the adult situation "bullied person" wants someone else to stick their neck out to protect them. If you can't hold your own in a situation maybe you shouldn't be there to begin with. Next many bullies are for real...not cowards at all. They put themselves out there and have plenty of risk in what they do. Welcome to the jungle.
Lord, you miss the point. This isn't about someone else stepping in, it's about people learning how to behave in a civilized manner. If the people who cuss and yell and use intimidation to get what they want would stop, the issue goes away.
Middleman. I did get it. But I feel that these people who use their "human resources" such as bullying to get what they want...are being themselves. Born that way I guess you can say. You have to learn to deal with them one on one or using whatever you can do to not be their victim. This is life. The "bully" is real and here to stay... Often times the person called a bully is nothing of the sort...the person who can't stand up for themselves actually has the problem.
Lord?? Do I have to address you as Lord?? So you agree with the kids who go to school with guns and take out those they perceive bullied them? Right?? They took care of it without a middleman. Or better yet suicide. No one but the victim gets killed. Took care of it themselves. Are you for real??
I know! I mean if we would just let the bullies, murderers, pedophiles, rapist, bombers, Taliban, pimps and mini-Hitlers be themselves, the world would be such a great place to be. when you defend one bully, you stand up for all of them crack pot! Do you know what? MANY people need to save their true selves for the few who actually chose to be around them not the innocent masses who are unfortunate enough to have no other choice than to be around them. But you know this, you play dumb for a l'il online attention but you know what you're saying is ridiculous.
Look up "antisocial personality disorder", or "conduct disorder" (the under-18 equivalent), and you will find the characteristics of a classic bully, and the traits that Toronaga appears to endorse.
I strongly believe that your moral compass isn't functioning properly. You might want to have that fixed. I mean seriously. You're opinion comes of as sociopathic.
"a microcosm"?? are you blind. Bullying happens in every school in the country every single day. It's not a once in a great while sort of thing, it is constant, never ending cycle. Yes, the bullied need to stand up, but if you truely think it is that simple, then you were never truely one of the bullied. I was bulled in from 5th to 11th grade, 3 different schools, I was shy, quiet and not well off...all 3 reason enough for some kid to hate me, or at least think they hated me. The worst offenders parents were perfectly fine people, but bought their kids the best of things, if you didn't have the best of things you must not be worth as much, your parents must not love you. Can't blame the video games, we didn't have them back then. Is it human nature, a desire to create a pecking order? Obsolutely, but do we really want to tell our children it is ok, they are just trying to do what the apes do? I sure hope not.
You might want to look up the definition of microcosm...
What do you mean it doesn't happen at the job? As a outside sales rep in the B2B world, I have seen incidents like this every week. Half the time it is the owner and or top salesperson at the location. In my previous job in retail, "play wrestling" as it was called was an everyday occurence. The supervisors even told the warehouse crew to save that for lunch!
Kids learn bullying from parents. Don't be niave enough to think that this does not happen at work!
Yep, check my original post. I see it all of the time in the large international company that I work for. Be refined and professional at all times but if someone goes too far, stomp them in the parking lot or at the bar down the street. Stand up to it, always. It will always be there like terrorism.
First of all, in response to one person's comment that "You would have to be a fool to think that the education system sits back and lets bullying take place". Well, you would be very misguided if you think that there are no schools that overlook it. It happens every day. Second, adults do bully other adults in the workplace. It takes a different form however. Typically it comes in the form of threats to job security without merit or other humiliating behavior in front of other workers. I have seen this first hand and I have sttood up against it only to be threatened myself. I told the guy to pound sand. This also happens every day. What we have in these situations is typically someone who was a bully when they were younger now in a position of authority over others. Heck, most police officers I know were bullies in high school. Now they are carrying a badge and gun. Most of these guys went into the force right out of high school. That's right, HIGH SCHOOL. It's exactly that type of denial that the schools would never let this happen that it happens more frequently than we like to admit. Bottom line, they will always exist. And, unitl they have consequences, they will keep bullying.
This PSA made me uncomfortable because it was so unrealistic. That does not happen in the workplace. For the most-part, people conduct themselves professionally and when they don't, they are sent packing. What an awful attempt to address something that barely exists.
Scott – This absolutely happens in offices. My old boss was (and I'm sure still is) a huge bully.
The point of the PSA is that the situation IS unrealistic. If this behavior is unacceptable in an office setting, why should it be acceptable in a school?
Didn't you READ the article?! This scenario was not supposed to be very realistic to the workplace. It highlights that if we won't allow it at work we shouldn't allow it at schools.
Scott, that's the point of the PSA. It's not meant to be about workplace bullying. It's taking a middle-school scenario and placing it in an office, where it would not be tolerated. Your reaction kind of proves the point, actually.
(Also, read the article before commenting next time, where this is all clearly explained.)
Well, that's the point; it doesn't happen (just like that) in the work place. Its not acceptable. Therefore it should not be acceptable in schools. It was based on a middle school kid's experience. If we saw that in the workplace, we'd be incensed. If we saw a boss/supervisor respond like that, we'd nail him. But that IS how middle school kids act and often how teachers and principals react.
I am not saying that there isn't bullying in the work place. I have seen it. This PSA is about not accepting it in schools.
Scott, Scott, Scott. Read all the replies below. Read the article. You missed the whole point.
The victim...yes victim needs to change his/her status from weak to empowered. Join a martial arts class....gain some skills and confidence. No longer the victim he/she will then have the backbone to stand up for on their own and for others who need it. Its wrong to bully...but take action for yourself and others...stop the cycle.
Taught my kids to defend themselves (they are adults now). My oldest daughter had to protect herself once. She was suspended along with the bully. They knew the other person attacked her because she was arrested and forced to take "anger management" classes. I don't think the person defending themself should be punished ... sends the wrong message.
Sounds great on paper. But not so simple in reality. What you're failing to realize is that in many cases, the bullying occurs in a "pack". Several kids ganging up on one, berating the kid profusely every single day to the point that the poor kid can't get away from it. Standing up to 5 or 6 kids when you are by yourself often leads to a beating form several kids at once. Even when it is only one bully – more often than not, the bully is twice the size of the other kid – which is why he/she chose the victim they did, because they know they can win a fight easily.
It takes months to learn "martial arts" if not years. It also costs money to take the classes, and many kids parents do not have that type of financial access. Not to mention – some kids have absolutely no motor skills, eye-hand coordination, or athletic ability – they are often physically awkward, overweight, or disabled to the point that taking a martial arts class would be a waste of time. In fact, most of the time it is these kids that are getting picked on – largely because they lack these skills. And of course – there are a lot of kids that have NO INTEREST in fighting....they view martial arts or other forms of fighting as the wrong thing to get into or too difficult to learn...much like others view learning how to do well in a calculus class as too difficult.
I agree that confidence would go a long way towards helping these kids – but confidence is gained through success – and most of the time these kids are told they are failures over and over again by the kids around them. Confidence is also instilled by parents – but not all parents are capable of giving that type of lesson either because they are bad parents, or because they have no confidence themselves. That is not the kids fault, they go to school with the skills they have been given and taught at home – and if confidence is not one of thsoe skills – it isn't just going to happen because they take a martial arts class.
In some cases – your suggested solution would work. But more often than not the kids that are bullied are stuck in a difficult situation that isn't easy to get away from, no matter what they do – which is why they need help from other people to make the bullying stop.
Telling them to take a martial arts class and gain some confidence is not gonig to do it.
if i came up and hit you, you would call the cops and arrest me. Then you would sue me.
I had someone come up and hit me in school, and the term "boys will be boys" was used and i was dealing with a cracked upper lip. I was taking martial arts (to get ready for boot camp), but just not coordinated, and my Asperger's did not help. This person was a thug pure and simple. And they were rewarded for their actions with praise and respect after a token punishment.
I never escaped this until i went into the military, where this sort of thing was not accepted, and i earned respect for my willingness to learn and figure things out.
To me the irony is that I went into being a soldier and was respected for my brains, but in our school system i was measured by my brawn and found lacking.
The adult criteria of what is an assault, and making the same consequences apply, should be the norm in high school. The problem is no one wants to deal with it, and it's really the victims problem is a cop out. These kids who succeed in bullying just learn how to do the same things in a more subtle manner ( or end up in jail ).
Evil exists when good men do nothing. It's time to stand up to it.
What's even than worse than the above scenario is a Mother bullying her children. My daughter in law who has a mental disease of some kind, filed for divorce for no apparent reason, with the judge giving her full custody of the 7 children. Two of the children want to live with their dad and the judge knew it. The mother now bullies the 16 year old and 12 year old. the rest of the kids are younger. The mother has all of the children afraid to speak up to school officials; they are afraid to join any after school activities because "Mother will be angry". She belittles the 16 year old in front of the other children and tells the other children that "Monica" is a bad girl. Colorado doesn't have child advocates and there's nothing that Social Services will do about it until somebody gets physically hurt. Besides the house is mice infested from the filth, and even an exterminator couldn't get rid of all the mice. Colorado judges and social services should be ashamed of themselves. Poor kids!
This is a whole different topic. Thats not "bullying" its child abuse. Its abuse because I child is dependant on the adult to take care of them. So lets focus and not get sidetracked.
Child abuse is a form of bullying....not sure how this is "off track".
Where does bullying end and "face the facts" begin. Sometimes the truth just hurts.
I hate to break it to you – you are not a "Lord".
The truth hurts sometimes.....
if you have aproblem with someone address them, enough of this little bunny foo foo **** guess what there are mean people and new govt laws will not stop them
The Media is the biggest bullly. 'If you don't believe in (any trendy cause du jour) you are an idiot.'
sorry, I have never been bullied by the media. The minute Bill O'Reily starts with "I blame you, the liberals..."
There is a problem with bullying coworkers that you can't click and you can't quiet ... they use their outside voice, just loud enough so other's hear... how you had a problem with such and such account, how you had problems with an audit, how the supervisor talk to you about a compliant... the office gossips ... that makes things difficult.
Stories of schoolyard bullying is like most everything else in life…it is a microcosm of our world. Unfortunately, human society is just like the animal kingdom. You can watch NatGeo or Animal Planet and see lions, hippos, gorillas, or even birds bullying others of their kind. The basic animal instinct to establish dominance drives this behavior. Perhaps with kids it is their neighborhood or parents or even videogames that is most to blame. The cycle of bullying, or hazing, will never be broken with school interventions or laws. The sad part of this is that the bullied needs to stand their ground, or have someone defend them, or move on. As adults we realize that life’s lessons are not often just. Even Gov. Romney admitted that he was a bully as a child, probably with a revisionist's history as well.
Yes...cold hard facts but true. The bullied must take action or accept the fate. Bullying is not right in any way, but not learning from experience makes this worse.
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