By Donna Krache, CNN
Editor’s Note: Not In Our School offers resources to help adults empower students against bullying. You may also want to check out The Stop Bullying Speak Up campaign, sponsored by Cartoon Network, CNN and Time Warner, a student-centered approach that also offers educator and parent materials.
(CNN) - It’s an anti-bullying message designed to hit home with a different audience - adults. And it hits hard.
The set is an office breakroom. The office bully calls a coworker names, then pushes and threatens him, even as horrified colleagues pretend not to notice. One gets up from his table and scurries away. The victim is humiliated. The bully revels in the power.
In the end, the boss intervenes, but not to bring justice - just to tell the bully and the victim to "get back to work."
Anyone who watches the public service announcement, “Break Bullying,” would see no office would allow the scene to play out that way. In reality, it didn't: It was based on actual experiences from the producer's middle school years.
And that’s the point, according to the organization Not in Our School and Mike Nelson, the producer of the spot: If we wouldn’t stand for bullying as adults, why do we allow it to happen in our schools?
When Nelson’s boss at production house MAKE told him to do a piece on bullying, he jumped at it. Nelson was bullied in middle school and fell back on that experience to create a story that would resonate with adults who saw it.
He decided to use real images and real language. Even "bleeped out," the expletives are obvious and stinging. Nelson says that’s the reality of bullying.
“This is how it happens,” he told CNN.
The Not in Our School program focuses on what adults can do to help kids address bullying and make schools safe for everyone. Its site offers a guide to start a Not in Our School campaign as well as a video kit and links to anti-bully supports. It also features anti-bullying lesson plans for elementary, middle and high school classrooms.
Nelson’s anti-bullying message had a strong impact on Cohn-Vargas. An educator and daughter of a family that escaped the Holocaust, she notes, “Many adults have taken action from personal experience.”
Now that he's an adult, Nelson said, he's taking his own action against bullying.
“I basically played out my own experience in school,” he said. “I wrote that exactly as it was.
“That hurtful behavior sticks with kids for the rest of their lives."
Reblogged this on Yay Food Blog and commented:
I find it weird that bullying has to be conceptualized into a work place setting for adults to understand what it feels like for a child to be bullied in school. Haven't we all been children at one point? Do we forget what it was like to be physically small and helpless? In truth, even when we grow bigger, we can still be helpless within a greater system that tolerates mistreatment of people.
There is more than one kind of bullying. There is the obvious kind which is verbal or physical abuse and then there is the silent kind, the kind where the victim is isolated and deliberately left out of everything as a way to hurt them. They are never included in conversation, but often are talked about behind their back in the most disparaging and humiliating ways. Of course, everyone points to the kind of bullying that is really apparent, but silent bullying is just as harmful, maybe worse. I myself was bullied this way as a child and I watched my own daughter go through several years of silent bullying. Any effort I made to bring it to the attention of the school was met with indifference or I was told I had to prove it or that they couldn't force the girls to like my daughter so what could they do about it? I think silent bullying is more prevalent and difficult to change. But it should have as much if not more attention than the more obvious kind of bullying. To make any real change, however, you need to begin with the parents. They are the models for bullies. They had to learn it from somewhere and that somewhere is at home. Where is the course teaching social graces and kindness?
Ah, yes. Let's call everything from gentle teasing to full-out assault and battery to bullying!
As a person that was bullied pretty heavily in high school – I appreciate that there seems to be a lot more attention called to these issues, but it's gone too far. Call bullying bullying, call assault, stalking, criminal harassment, criminal damage to property, and other crimes what they are. Following someone home pelting them with snowballs and refusing to leave once you get home is not bullying. Beating someone up is not bullying. Calling someone's house at odd hours of the night repeatedly is not bullying.
As far as this article's example goes: "The office bully calls a coworker names, then pushes and threatens him, even as horrified colleagues pretend not to notice"
Call it what it is. This is not "Bullying", and trying to frame things this way only diminishes the severity of the issue. Pushing and threatening is guaranteed to violate several company policies and is grounds for termination, if the boss simply dismisses the issue then it's time to go up the chain. Please. Do NOT call this stuff bullying.
Liberals are so weak. They try to control everything you do. If you "offended", which is almost always, that is your problem with the world.
Are you serious? You must be the weak in the mind which leads me to believe to you too are a bully. I hope someday you try this on me...can you say rude awakening. I will be the person to not just stand up to you but arrest you for assault on the spot and in front of all your friends...and co-workers. I guess you need to learn the hard way. Look out....I'm out there.
To "Government Cheese" I guess you were never harrassed or bullied as a youth. Maybe you (and I am only speculating now) were the bully. It is so sad that you have no apparent commpassion for those who had to go through difficult times. May your life continue on in such happiness.
African American leaders turn a blind eye to violence and bullying ... My son is no longer alive because of violence in our neighborhood. A 3.8 gpa student who had not ONE single ounce of hatred or anger.
Hip Hop performers, Worldstarhiphop.com... I love how clueless African American leaders act when you mention the bottom 1% that affects youth. Obama doesn't care about censoring them, but invites them to his White House. He wouldn't dare go against THE CULTURE... the culture that is killing young african-american youth each day. Soledad O'Brien is another false representative of African American women. SHE DOES NOT REPRESENT US, BUT POLITICAL GAIN! WAKE UP PEOPLE!
congress and the senate are bullying everyone in the USA when will they stop?
I understand your frustrations with the politicians and the lack of bully control in the legislative branches... but this was about kids
No Clee...this was about kids who grew older but never grew up. Look around they are moving all about us.
Not all bullying in the workplace is physical. It is intimidation, being told that the boss is the only 'genius' in the division, being made to feel inferior, the yelling and temper tantrums by the division director, the constant stalking by the division director. Sad thing is that the Executives and HR have known about this problem but they just sweep it under the rug and have failed its employees.
I think you missed the point of the PSA. This isn't about bullying in the workplace, its about bullying at school. It lays the scene to remind adults that bullying in adulthood is unthinkable and asks why we accept it in adolescense.
I don't believe that bullying is accepted in adolescence, however, we all know it goes on. It's up to us, as parents, to teach our children to respect others, it's up to the schools to be on the vigilance against bullying and to deal with it when it occurs and it's up to the governments to bring in stronger laws against bullying. This is only getting worse and something has to be done NOW!!!
I did not watch the video; however, I read the article. No, I did not miss the point of the message. I was merely trying to say that bullying exists in the workplace, too. Why do we tolerate bullying, period? I read some of the input from others; said that teachers and administrators turn a blind eye. One can only hope that people will start to do the right thing – stand up and advocate against bullying.
It's mainly due to HR being under the control of the higher ups. It's sad, but...that's life and it's also a reason I don't think bullying is as big of a deal as it's made out to be. Why? Because it happens all the time to adults. Kids don't just quit picking on people. Yeah they get educated and most of that will stop, but there will always be certain people.
Great piece, but the one flaw I noticed was that I think Bob could have kicked his ass. When it happened to me, it was usually older and much more physically imposing guys. This guy was just some skinny smart alek who needed to be sucker punched just one time. In situations like that, there is more fear of physical harm from a childs point of view. This still works though, just sayin.
If you can't take the heat..... get out of the kitchen.... go crawl under your bed you little woose !!!!
A perfect example of why bullying occurs at school – because IT STARTS AT HOME, with bully parents, who call their children "wuss", "pansy" and "stupid". I would like to see an anti-bullying campaign that addresses where bullying starts – with Ma and Pa at home.
I hope you don't have kids... that's really terrible of you
Tell a teacher? LOL. We've seen it first hand. A boy hit my son, he told on the boy. the boy gets kicked out, now all of the boy's friends start fights with my son. The school system won't do much about it.
I happen to be a teacher, and if it is handled correctly, bullying can be stopped in the classroom and create an environment in which a child may feel safe. Although what you are saying is true in some cases, most teachers are more discreet and professional about bullying nowadays.
Unfortunately it happens in most cases. I don't think there would be this focus on bullying in schools currently if the majory of cases were handled appropriately AT the school.
That was hilarious! Very well made! The slightly disheveled appearance of everyone really played up the sympathy for poor Bob. I shake my head every time I see a bullying campaign. If kids don't bully or get bullied, at what point do they learn to stand up for themselves or be assertive? The reason adults don't bully each other is because we had these traumatic experiences as children. We learned, adapted and grew up. And yes, I was mercilessly bullied to the point of black eyes, threatening phone calls, intimidation, humiliation and cowering in fear in the classroom. Then I stood up for myself, attacked the attacker, paid the consequences (suspension) and grew up a little. The next time I was bullied, it ended quickly because I had the confidence to stand my ground.
One thing that seems to be overlooked is the fact that alot of the time the bully IS the ADULT.
couldn't agree more. We all act as this only happens among kids but what really changes? Adults flip one another off on the highway, belittle service employees, try to intimidate teachers and coaches...happens all the time. Look in the mirror and ask yourself where your kids learned this stuff. ...and rarely is a kid purely a bully or purely a victim...roles can change within minutes.
It's interesting to read these comments, since they're all subjective. In my opinion, they fall into several groups. First, there are the bullies, and their comments are obvious; there are those who never got bullied; there are those who were bullied and never got closure; those who got bullied and fought back and feel self-righteous about it. What's missing most are the people who were bullied, fought back, bullied somebody else ... and eventually realized all of it was wrong and unfair, but that it's part of life. It's a natural rite, all of it. If only we could impart the wisdom of going all through it without actually doing it, wouldn't that be great? Hey, maybe it's what we should do as parents ...
I was bullied in high school. This one kid, can't even remember his name now, used to punch me, and flick my ears when he sat behind me. Eventually I lost it and wrestled him to the ground in the basketball court and hit him a few times.. In hindsight I was so wimpy and weak it was probably just the adrenaline that made me do anything.
Afterwards, I got into martial arts, put on about 60 pounds (not fat) and as of now, I know 9 martial arts, including 3 forms of Silat (deadly hand to hand combat designed to kill or maim your opponent in under 10 seconds)
Whats interesting is, having that knowledge makes you not want to use it. I would only use these skills in a life or death situation. But you can bet I'll never be bullied again.
I suppose the moral is, get your kid involved in some martial art early on, even if its just Tae Kwon Do or dimestore Karate. They'll learn discipline, self respect, accomplishment and how to protect themselves.
Your note reminds us all why bullying still exists, it is accepted by far too many as a "right of passage". I call BS on this, it is not and should not be accepted as this AT ALL. Adults file charges on one another for bullying in the work place and are punished with job loss, My father was a bully so, to make myself feel better, I grew up defending kids who were bullied, when they are defended the bullying stops. When I got older I stopped my father from bullying my Mom and younger brother by standing up to him as well. It is long over due for all of us to stand up to bullies. It is unacceptable.
I agree about the rite of passage thing. I'm far from saying it's right. My point is that, for me personally, I never felt any better when I beat up the guy who bullied me for five years. So I bullied him. So what? Whwen that didn't feel any good, I bullied the next guy. That didn't make me feel any better either. Eventually, I realized it was all stupid. Explaining THAT is the point of the story. Tell your kids it's not glamorous on either side of the coin.
I have another Idea, Why not make all Junior High and High School kids run 3 miles in the morning before classes. This was they will be healthy , non obese and will have no excess energy to spend time on bullying. Problem solved. If a kid is caught bullying despite this he either has to run an extra mile every day or must leave school.
Bullying doesn't stop in middle-school and it is not only the students but even the teachers who practice it. Having the capacity to stop someone from bullying you is a survival skill that unfortunately every child should know. Kids do need to know how to assert themselves and stand up for themselves and if necessary know how to kick the bully in the nuts or at least know how to get them where it hurts.
The parents need to step and teach their children how to stand up for themselves. It will help them for the rest of their lives.
Zero tolerance should be the norm, but in situations where the reality is different, kids should know how to help themselves and parents should be ready to back them up.
Unrealistic to say the least. If that happened in a modern office environment the ‘bully’ would be fired faster than you can say lawsuit.
Exactly. That's the point they are trying to make. It's not supposed to be realisitc. It is trying to make us look at bullying amongst children from a different perspective.
Did you read the article? That's the whole point of the commercial. It's taking the kind of bullying that goes on in middle schools and putting it into a setting where adults know it could never be allowed to happen, and yet it's allowed to happen to our children in schools.
If you both agree then why are you wasting your time responded? Stop trying to ‘bully’ me…/wha
Tom, Ton, the Other One
- Don't bet on it. Had one coworker who pulled stuff on me. Tried to deal with it myself, then with supervisors and then HR. A big fat nothing happened. Seems the company was far more concerned about THAT employee suing for discrimination that they did nothing. Their PR stance is quite the opposite, but when it comes down to possibly losing money, they refuse to do anything.
Or there's the other management person who bullies everyone she can because her boss is happy with her. Or that same boss who allows his PA to do bully and abuse everyone around her. Bullying on the job does happen when supervisors or management turns a blind eye to the problems or money is far more valued than anything else.
There are always exceptions Linda. I believe your story as I’ve seen said preferential treatment given for fear of a lawsuit but this only reinforces my point
Exactly. As stated, this would not be tolerated at an office. Why? Because the people in charge would reprimand/punish the bully. At a school level, that should be principals, guidance counselors and teachers. Step up, educators.
That’s already been said and two rebuttals posted. Please add something new or refrain from speaking.
As an educator I enjoyed your "step-up" encouragment. I have to agree. I stop bullying whenever I see it, the problem is consistency. i may discourage that behavior in my classroom and the halls, but what about another teacher's class, or at home. It is a different story all together than. I think most Americans have no Idea how difficult it is to be an educator, and when children are taught to not respect the teacher....what power do we have?
That video perfectly captures the experience of a child being bullied. Beautifully done. When I was in school, I had a bully (as did many people I knew). Made school a living hell at times; without the friends I had, it would've been unbearable. And I still see that exact pattern of behavior on the internet (with anonymous trolls and cyber-bullies). This behavior of building ourselves up by tearing others down has been with us a long time, but that doesn't mean it can't stop.
Slavery was with us a long time, and it eventually had to stop; bullying can as well. We have to really come to understand WHY it is that people bully; it's root causes and motivations. Then (hopefully, someday) we can eliminate it from the gene pool altogether. It won't happen soon I'm afraid; that kind of behavior is very ingrained in our culture. But maybe someday....
People bully to determine order in the social heirarchy. It's instinctual primate behaviour that give us our drive to achieve and succeed, our desire to one-up the next person and grow above our current social status. Without bullying, the human race might find itself without all the psychological strength to endure and adapt to hardship and overcome obstacles.
There's no reason to assume that bullying is much danger to anyone outside a small group of hazing accidents and suicidal depression (of which bullying is rarely the true cause). This is all backlash to the death of one teen girl whose life could have been saved by attentive parents, not anti-bully legislation.
Well, then it's a good thing that I'm not a monkey and can overcome my "primal instincts," as you called them. We have evolved above being driven by our instincts, unlike the majority of the animal kingdom. We have compassion, and empathy, along with the ability to chose and appropriately legislate towards reducing bully behavior.
Let's rise above the primates and live accordingly.
This reminds me of the Terry Tate office linebacker adds for reebok. It is comical because the white guy gets embarrassed. If you want to remove the humor, have the white male bully a black female. Or vice versa. It is ok though.
I thought this article was really interesting and informative. Bullying has become way out of control! I found this blog by Ron Bellanti really insightful.
ronbellanti-rightnowagainstbullying.blogspot.com He finds some great articles pertaining to bullying!
How is bullying out of control? There is much less bullying occurring now than in decades past.
This is an incorrect statement. The avenues available today for bullying far outweigh the avenues that are used today. The bullying presented in this video does not represent a full sample of what happens to our children today. Most bullying is done through social media sites and networking. This bullying is occurring through texting, facebook, twitter, the whole lot of them, where numerous more can be involved in the process of demeaning our children. These were never available when I was a kid in school, and that was not long ago. Bullying has evolved to take advantage of the technological developments that we all enjoy today. With every virtue there is a vice.
What a hot topic. While the article is suppose to focus on kids it seems a lot of us are being bullied as adults too. I am in a situation like that right now for the first time in my life and I can tell you I am not coping well with it at all. When you are older you have a tendency to not speak up for fear of losing your job. It is almost impossible to find a new job at 54. So I put on a brave face but when I am alone I cry and I can barely eat. I can not imagine what a child is up against.
Sometimes you just have to speak to a bully in the language they understand.
The Bully, and the Crazy Boy (blatantly stolen from Marc Stiegler)
There was once a bully and a crazy boy. Every day, the bully would threaten the crazy boy, for his lunch money. And every day the crazy boy would give it to him. One day, the crazy boy had no lunch money in his pocket to give, and got beaten up. But the crazy boy got in one good punch, and split the bully's lip. The day after that the bully asked for lunch money again, the crazy boy had none and got beaten up. But the crazy boy got in a kick, and badly bruised the bully's knee. The day after that the bully asked for lunch money again, and was refused, and the crazy boy got beaten up. But the crazy boy got in a good shot, and blacked the bully's eye. The fourth day, the bully asked again, still the crazy boy had no money in his pockets, and got beaten up. This time, the crazy boy bloodied the bully's nose. On the Fifth day, the crazy boy refused again. The crazy boy was a mass of bruises and cuts by this point, but just as the bully was about to start whaling on him again, the crazy boy begged "Don't make me hurt you again!". The bully laughed at how crazy the crazy boy sounded, but as he laughed he felt his bruised knuckles from beating on the crazy boy, and felt the black eye, and the split lip, and the bruised knee, and the battered nose. And in fear, the bully ran away.
shes right, there will always be bullies, where in the classroom, at work, even in the church. the devil does not care who you are. he even bullied Jesus. Like I said if you try to befriend a bully, just talk to that person you will learn the pain that person is carrying. Pray for and try to love your enemies. Even if its that God awful devil...Only God can help you fight that fool...
No offense, Mary but God won't help the bullied kid in the classroom praying for it to stop. EVERY kid who's bullied prays for it to stop. We need a more concrete, real-world solution here, not hope and a prayer....
Ooh, ooh, I know! Raise your kids!
Seriously. If your kid is a bully, discipline them. If your kid is bullied, support them properly. Encourage personal growth and skilled learning regardless. I have both been bullied, and been a bully; support and discipline from your parents and family will let you overcome both.
Well said and that goes for all problems.
interesting perspective. ones should also include "bullies" in neighborhoods and communities, and I am not writting of children. There was a book out a few years back of a man murdered but no suspect well there are, the whole town that he bullied and intimidated. Children have resources, where do adults go. An attorney? what if cannot afford, town council, what if they too are scared/intimidated? Is it considered even a crime or is that just for the children. Bullies learn from others, television, family members. as with any type of abuse, the cycle has to stop-adults need resources too.
"In an adult setting, such as work, I don't think anyone would allow this" – really??? You dont say – maybe, just maybe, that was the whole point of the add....
"I know if I was in that lunchroom I'd of stood up and take an office chair and hit the bully over the head with it" – not sure what "I'd of stood up" means, but if you had "hit the bully", you would have been subject to arrest and criminal as well as civil repercussions.
I think he means "I'd have stood up".....
And it sounds more like posturing from behind a keyboard, imo...
It's interesting to see the "grow a pair" comments and the "nanny" state comparisons. Making light of a situation that has cost the lives of kids and adults and has changed their lives for the worst (and yes it can have a positive outcome in some people) is not a bad thing. I will be the first one to say that if my child was bullied, I would not hesitate to tell them to use force to take that twerp down. But if my child wasn't comfortable doing that what is the next step? Not everyone has it in them to hurt someone else even if it is to defend themselves. People are different, and more than anything its making light of that and trying to open the minds of both bullied and the bullies to see that. Mean people will never go away. That is important to understand. If it works for you to throw a punch back or laugh at back or retaliate, then I hope for the best for you. For those who not only can't but don't want to or won't retaliate, making more people aware that everyone else is aware, will only help in deterring others from joining in the bullying. And who knows, maybe they will stand up for that person, by becoming more aware of what some of this behavior makes people do. I had a bully in school, but he wasn't the only problem. There were always 5 other problems that were quick to fight back if I stood up to him. It's not always a clean cut situation. Bullying never is. I feel like some of these idiots who do this don't realize how much it can hurt and that had they known what their victim was going through, probably wouldn't have done it. I can only imagine the way some of those bullies feel after their victim commits suicide. Not only does that effect the victims family, but it affects the bully(s) and their family. Awareness is good. Imposing is not.
How about giving kids work to do and kicking them out of school if they can't make grades? Schools should be in the business of education not babysitting thugs. We should expect schools to do their job and the rest will fall into place. If the school unions don't like it, get rid of them too.
What thugs are you talking about? You say we should kick kids out of school for not getting good grades? Thugs are created because kids DON'T stay in school. Your solution is exactly the problem. Just because someone doesn't get good grades doesn't make them unfit for education.
You're dreaming if you imagine that "giving the kids work" will reduce bullying. Connecting two unrelated issues will not solve either problem.
You assume that "thugs" don't make good grades. In fact, in my son's class, the bullies are among the smartest kids. In my daughter's class they earned good ( not great ) grades, but were considered popular so the staff wouldn't believe such things about them.
Extremely interesting perspective Nelson took in this. In an adult setting, such as work, I don't think anyone would allow this, I know if I was in that lunchroom I'd of stood up and take an office chair and hit the bully over the head with it for treating the guy like that. In other words.....it wouldn't of been tolerated......, which, is the point Nelson is trying to make. If adults don't tolerate this type of behaviour at work, why would 'we' tolerate this type of behaviour at school....
Bullying is allowed to happen in workplaces – an old boss used to stand in front of my desk yelling at me for things that I had no control over, especially things that were my bosses' fault or problem. She used to call me stupid and other hurtful names. No one stood up to her – not the president or vice president, not another manager, not an employee. I took it for 7 years. Became suicidal. Finally got mad and quit. I'm learning to like myself again but it's taken years to get to this stage. When you go through it for so long (first grade school, then work), you begin to believe what they say about you – that you're no good, you're stupid, it's all your fault. If you can push past all of that, you start realizing they were afraid, of you, of life, of being alone. Okay, maybe a bit philosophical here but the bullies are really very small, shallow people.
Any time you move to physical violence from "verbal violence", you break the law. You cannot retaliate with anything "physical" as a result of something verbal, no matter how bad the offender is, or how noble the cause.
You will be the target of criminal charges (from the D.A) if you do.
Sadly workplace bullying is a reality for a large number of people. We have a workplace bully where I work. No one stops it because he is the owner's son. The owner is so beaten down over years of bullying from his son that he doesn't even notice it. I try to step in whenever possible but if I'm in my office and the Bully is in another building in the lunchroom tormenting people I'm physically not there to stand up to him.
He claims he is "just joking around" but he isn't he is a bully plain and simple. I've told his dad, the owner, several times that one of these days someone is going to sue him for allowing his son to create a hostile work environment. All he says is "I know" but he feels he is powerless to stop it.
Don't waste your time suggested he fire his son. Won't happen, the son's mom is his champion and firing her baby boy would result in a divorce and major drama.
Nothing has helped. Not video taping his tirades, not calling him on it, not tattling to the boss, nothing. Physically he is quite large- 6'2" and well over 350 lbs.
You want to know the most embarrassing part? My work place bully is my brother.
Workplace bullying is MUCH more subtle than this.
"You've fired half the workers leaving the rest of us to do the work of two people. Will we be seeing a salary increase this year?"
"You should feel lucky just to have a job at all."
"But we haven't gotten a raise in two years, the company just raised health care 11%, and the price of gas and groceries is going up. Even with a job, its getting tight."
"I wouldn't complain too much. Daughter still need those braces? Still paying your mortgage with your wife out of work?"
"Good. I hope you can keep doing those things. Oh, by the way, i need you to start putting in ten hour days."
That is likely not bullying. What you're NOT hearing is:
CFO: "Wow, sales are down 25% for the third quarter in a row, and we're out of cash on hand in the bank".
CEO: "Well, I've put off the investors as long as I can, they're gonna liquidate the company and close the doors if I don't do something drastic".
CFO: "I hate to do it, but we'll have to lay off our newest and/or lowest performers. I feel terrible about this".
CEO: "I know. All the money in the world isn't worth a day like today".
CFO: "Let's lay off half of them, and see if we can get the remaining employees to crank up production enough to stop the hemorraging of money. We'll have to put pressure on the managers".
CEO: "Good idea. That might buy us another quarter to right the ship. Atleast they still have jobs and today won't be a bad day for everyone.".
Says the CEO and the CFO while sitting comfortably in the leather seats of a private jet...
Sure dude, the CEO and CFO give a damn about their workers. No, they care about their ridiculous salaries and making sure their kid gets into a $50,000 a year pre-school and that they can brag that they have the newest shiny thing to their buddies at the country club. They tend not to give a damn about anything but monuments to their own narcissism.
Nice, try, but where I am, that excuse has been going on for nearly four years. With 1-2% raises at MOST every other year and 8-15% increases to health care costs every year, whenever we complain, we're told that this is "the new reality," that "there are more than enough workers out there who will happily take our jobs if we don't want to do them," that we can "easily be replaced" (those are all exact quotes), and that we should feel "lucky" to be there. Meanwhile, we've been asked to start carrying cell phones to be reachable 24 hours a day, are all doing the work of 2 or more people, and many of us are up at 3 am for meetings with vendors in India and China. We did it because we believed in what our company was doing, but now management knows we will do it and have gone from necessity in lean times to straight up taking advantage of our willingness by basically threatening our livelihoods when we say that the workload is unreasonable and the hours are affecting our home lives. As a company, we're actually making more than we did in the year before the economy tanked in '08, but upper management is claiming it needs to hold on to the funds for other reasons. It's why we're just starting to see a major brain drain, and rightfully so.
Yours is most often the truth, but not always, sometimes the business is owned by Democrats, disagree with 'dem and you are the enemy.
Just as Obama said "we must punish our enemies", his just happen to be every American who doesn't vote Democrat but every Democrat needs an enemy, they are beings guided by only hate and lies.
That's not so much bullying as it is how the world works... you do still have the option to leave and find another job, sell the house, your wife to get a job, reduce your bills in other ways. Kids don't have the option of leaving school.
The fact that there is a way to exist the situation does not make it "not bullying." Management is knowingly pushing workers to the limit, often beyond the limit, and taking advantage of the situation by threatening people's livelihoods to make them comply. Yes, one can hope for another job, sell their house, and turn their lives upside down as you suggest to get out, but that still doesn't make the threats to livelihood "not bullying."
Bullying comes from people feeling inadequate, small, frightened. Those who bully see the world as dangerous and must always dominate in order to feel they have power and self worth. Those who bully come from families where parents ridicule, emotionally punish anyone who does not look and see the world as they do. Those who bully need to see a therapist! I tought middle school for five years and have worked for major top 500 companies and I can promise you that those who get away with bullying as a middle schooler grow up and bully other adults. It is played out at the water cooler, lunch breaks and viscious emails. Plenty of women fall into that category as well and it will only stop when by-standers stand up against the perpetrators and report this cruelty to HR. Maybe if someone loses their job over their idiotic behavior they might seek help. Bully's are not well adjusted people, they need help!!!!!
Interesting that you would conclude bullies as being weak themselves. I'd always viewed them as being quite self-confident, sometimes arrogant and usually narcisstic.
Bullies are only confident and arrogant on the outside. On the inside, they are weak, self-loathing, and without critical thinking skills. That includes the adult bullies who have much more sophisticated techniques for stepping on others.
You are very right! And needs to start with high profile people, like Rush Limbaugh and those like him that are in the public eye or get them involved in an anti-bullying campaign.
When you work with the public, you learn that people can be very mean. They'll take out their bad day on you. If you have a boss who bullies you and embarrasses you in public and gets other people to bully you too, work can become unbearable. I was gangstalked by bosses and co-workers. I was called all kinds of nasty names in front of customers and co-workers. Then my boss had the gall to try to play the victim because she was "insulted" by other people's political views. They got caught because they did it in a public forum, but they still blamed me. Especially since I was forced to call the labor union when I was written up for other people's mistakes. I was very lucky that concerned people saw all the name calling and slander that was going on and came in to investigate. The company wasn't so lucky, though. Neither was I or my co-workers. We got shut down for discrimination and unsafe working conditions. Over-the top bullies eventually will out themselves.
I had the same thing happen to me at the hands of a serial bully manager. I lost my career because of it because he and his minions succeeded in destroying my reputation with constant lies. Bullies don't stop being bullies when they grow up, they just change how they bully.
the positive side, bullying can help you grow, mature. On the other side sometimes you just got to throw down; whipass..
If someone continue to bully you, get you some friends, or family members and just go up to them and tell them if don't stop bully you, they will get there ass whipped...hello...
this isn't a movie, or the 80s, or even the 90s. That's a good way to get the bullied kid either kicked out of school or put in jail. When retaliated against, people tend to side with the original bully.
There is absolutely nothing positive to be gained from any form of bullying...ever.
I have never witnessed bullying at work. I would definately step in if I did, just as I did in school. And as I did in school, anyone trying to bully me now would get something they weren't expecting.
You probably just haven't noticed it. When I reported the bullying many around me had no idea. Even my boss said "she must be very subtle"....meaning she didn't hear or see anything. That's right you don't. Some in the immediate vicinty might notice but they won't say anything because they don't want to be her next target. It's pitiful, thankfully I've been moved into my own office. But that hasn't stopped her, she makes sure she comes down the hall for some reason or another just to let me know "she's still here" and that "I can't go that far away".....yes, dealing with a sick person, totally sick! Yet, I pray for her DAILY!!
@Bullied – You also need to make sure it's not some borderline paranoid schizophrenia you are experiencing in yourself. You do realize that maybe someone "walking down the hall" is merely walking down the hall.....and that not EVERYTHING is targeted against you.
It's amazing how many people with sociopathological tendencies thrive in this society as bullies. Most of them are very subtle and very good. The best thing you can do is be aware of the behavior and try not to react to him/her. When reported, because most of the bullying is in micro-expressions, tone, and other body language that's not always obvious these types of bullies get away with it and you're considered too "sensitive" or "paranoid". It's unfortunate that there are people who's only sense of power and self esteem is derived from trying to belittle and control others. The only bit if help other than the obvious, is take heart. It's usually not personal (even if they make it feel that way). If s/he is not bullying you, or if you leave the situation, someone else will take your place.
BLDRRepublican: This is what I mean. The typical "you must be imagining it" scenario. NO, this person hates me and makes sure I know it and it's been going on for years that's all I'll say.
@BldrRepublican: You must not have learned that blaming the bullying victim or claiming that they're imagining it not only makes you look like a complete and utter moron, but it also is, in itself, bullying. Get lost.
I think an underlying issue here is the definition of bullying. At some point, we need to be able to differentiate between what's bullying and harassment. I hope this "bullying" epidemic doesn't create a bunch of weak people.
Bullied, harassed. Two different names for the same thing........
I recently learned that one of the girls who bullied me is on the committee for our 20-year high school reunion. That will be interesting if she tries to steal one of my shoes again and runs around with it. I'll probably just bean her with the other one for shiggles.
the only way to stop a bully is pain. And it only works one at a time. It's a horrible cycle and it never stops. I had to hurt someone to get them to stop as a child. And he might have stopped but the others didn't. But that is the ONLY way.
FIGHT BACK, CHEAT and WIN. Cause pain and damage. Make them suffer, and they will stop. Then do it to the next one. But NEVER unless someone comes at you.
I assume you are joking.....?
Nope. He's right on, dead accurate.
I punched a bully once when I was a kid and she left me alone after that. I don't like to say violence works, but the truth is it worked just fine, at least that one time.
Bullies bully when they choose their victim and know they can get away with it. It's all about having power over someone. it's also called levelling. The only way to get rid of the bullying is either to live through it or hit them where it hurts to restore the playing field. Emil is completely right.
I was bullied when I switched schools in grade 4. It was 2 years of it. Never saw him again until the world of Facebook came along as an adult. Found him, asked if it was him. He replied yes. I gave him a verbal lashing the likes he has probably never seen.
As it turned out, he was being bulled in school for being the only asian kid in school and was taking it out on me. Although he doesn't recall the bullying, but thanks to FB and telling him the nightmare he put me though, he is now scared of me.
Doesn't this all fall under the idea of creating a "hostile work environment", which is why we have laws, policy and the EEO department/units in our workplace. I'm not sure why we need to remind adults as their are way that we can deal with this situation already. Also, the idea of pushing and calling names in the workplace while others stand by is a bit extreme.
Bullies exist typically in much more hidden ways in the workplace many times. I think a bit of workday reality is needed in these ads.
You're not really big on reading comprehension, are you?
This is a perfect example of how subtle bullying can be. Was it obvious that this individual did not read the article? Yes! Did we need to point it out? Maybe. Was the vehicle used to point it out the correct method? NO! We need to remember that courtesy and respect must always be at the forefront of our actions. The only thing this response accomplished was opening a door for this commentator to feel negatively about their response. It can limit their willingness to participate further in the discussion – That's bad folks. Bullying tends to remove people from the "discussion" at large. Talk about diversity. Bullying strives to remove the diversity of the community by preying on the inhibitions of others causing them to build up walls to protect themselves from further bullying exhibitions.
Comments like the one directly above are not welcome anywhere. It's amazing how subtle bullying can be. I believe that most are not even aware that they're doing it. That is why anti-bullying campaigns are so important – They cause ourselves to ask the question: "Am I a bully?"
Just a guess. You didn't read the article, did you?
wow! this ad was meant to show you how it feels for kids in school and that if you wouldnt allow it as an adult, then dont allow it to happen to our kids! omg!
I've been bullied (still am now and then) at work. But it's not near as obvious as the video. This person is very subtle and knows just when to strike and what to say. Go into the office kitchen, there she is right behind you. Walk down the hall and here she comes down the center so YOU have to move over. Words said to hurt the feelings over the cubicle without talking directly to you. The list goes on and on and on. And if you say anything YOU are looked at as a trouble maker or they think you must be imagining it and if you fight back by confronting this person yourself she evently starts again and this time worse. How can something be fixed when those higher up don't want to confront it?? How??
I think you have the right idea going in this response. The concept of bullies at work is a much more complicated problem than is being presented in these ads. A bully at work can hurt you in much more hidden ways and their tool is to threaten your basic livelihood, which is much more painful than dealing with name calling.
Tell me about it! I was just saying to someone yesterday that I feel totally bullied at work. The only difference is now I am more confident in myself than I was in HS - so it truly doesn't bother me. I only wish I was as perfect as my co-workers!!
Simple: Trip her down a flight of stairs.
You might do the following: User your smart phone to take video (or simply audio) recordings of her bullying activity when it happens. Then put the clips together on YouTube under an anonymous account (adding effects, music, text narration if desired). Make sure the video explicits shows her worst behavior and calls her a bully. Spread a link to the video around the office anonymously!
This is something you "could" do. Don't hold me responsible for any consequences, but it would definitely shame her.
Something else you could do is simply "not move" when she tries to push past you. Make her at least say "excuse me," then move out of her way.. slowly. If she pushes you, sue for assault.
Thanks BC. I have tried the audio recorder but it's hard to record her actions when they happen spontaneously when you least expect them. I have walked past and ignored (which she really hates) her. I just don't feed her fire of assault upon me. I've found her attacks are coming fewer but they are still there. One day I will never see her face again. The irony for all this is that we could easily be friends. Her biggest problem is a racial, low self esteem issue that I believe she takes out on me. This is the reality in todays workplace.
You want it to stop.....you meet up with her and you look her dead in the eyes and tell her it stops now! She comes down the hall and tries to make you move....don't. If it requires you slamming you shoulder into her and telling her again, do it. Keep a record of all the incidents. If you hear comments, march right over and tell him/her/them that if they have anything to say to you or about you that they say it to your face. You want it to stop, it's up to you. If mgnt doesn't help advise them you are keeping a record of all events, and a lawyer may have to become involved if nothing changes.
Believe me as a former recipient of bullying, I know how destructive it can be. The only way you are going to put and end to this is to stand up to her every single time she tries it. Don't stand for any of it. Get in her face if you have to. She has zero right to treat you any less than how she would like to be treated. Sooner or later she will get the message that you are no longer there as her personal pin cushion. She will either stop or then move on to someone else. You also need to remind her that you won't tolerate her behaviour towards anyone else there either.
Have all your children take a karate class, as mine have. My son, who is of slight build, was bullied when he first started High School. He immediately 'dispatched' the bully when he went to shove him. A bloody nose, cracked lip, and a brused ego later, the bully now steers clear of my son and his friends.
If everyone had a gun, nobody would use them!
I am guessing you have never seen how violence escalates then. Your kid took a huge risk.. I have seen people 'fight back' only to have the other person come back a few hours later with a knife or a gun. When you attack a bully back, you put them in a dangerous space since if they do not 'put you down' they loose face.
In other words, your kid got really expletive lucky that it was a bully who could be so easily defeated. There is a significant body count of students who were not so fortunate.
so whats the solution, in your opinion ?
theres a larger body count of those who dont stand up to their bully/ies and commit suicide. so, don't listen to this guy, stand up to your bully as many times as it takes. you will thank this post in the future.
Your kid could have easily been expelled as the bully. Sacrificing your education to teach someone a lesson their parents should have taught them seems a little silly.
Actually, my son and I did speak with the principle about this and the principle said 'I know your son would never be abusive or offensive, so yes, he DOES have the right to protect himself.'
A couple days later, the bully started pushing him again, and my son hauled off and whacked him one! This is suburban 5th grade folks, I don't think they wield knives or guns there... yet ;-)
I like that comment, befriend, or outsmart, or outbully a bully. I think that is the key to handle bulling...people who bully usually have issues. And, if you uncover there issue, you will have a very sad person..
Man this struck a chord with me, I had something similar happen. In 7th grade someone hid a history book of the bully and passed it behind their backs along a line of kids as he was looking for it. By the time it ended up behind me I pulled it out and went "Here" back to him (wanting to avoid his wrath).
Wrong. He took the book (think 1983 history book, so thick) and knocked me out cold by hitting me over the head. I wake up a minute later and he had pinned me face down, sitting on my arms and punching me in the face about 20 times.
Broke up by a vice principal running by 50 feet away and saying "Quit horsing around". YEAH notice the beating...this is a great time for all! I did get up and told the kid what an idiot he was (and didn't cry thank God). I had to go back to class with a huge red mark on my face and dirty clothes and act like nothing happened.
The day I graduated HS that same bully was near me during the practice run and reminded me of the time "he kicked my a$$" and I reminded him how retarded he was (sorry 1989 I don't use that word anymore) for hitting the guy who was returning the book to him and that knocking someone out and hitting them while they were KO'd and pinned wasn;t exactly something to be proud of. Then I mentioned how surprised I was he was actually graduating that day. (Was good to be surrounded by friends and be 3-4 inches taller than him at this point).
Needless to say I will raise my son to be a better man and never bully. And teach him how to stand up to them too.
I liked Bob's suspenders. Mork & Mindy was an awesome show! I used to want to bite Johnath Winters in the face. I think theres a little Bob in all of us...
Mitt Romney bullied and assaulted a fellow classmate at private school.
What kind of example does that set for America?
but romney does not remember this, typical reaction from a bully, Many others at that scene remembered. I see nothing in that man's life to indicate the need to bully has changed. He is just more discrete now When you see this man on TV remember bully and think about that 47%.
To say there will always be bullying is simple minded. Perhaps in an ultimate sense, yes, there may always be some level of bullying in our schools, but we can reduce it down to isolated incidents. What makes a nation (or city, or association, or family, etc.) powerful and great is their ablility to tackle a problem and fix it. The US was a racist country for centuries and although racism still exists, the US has fought this problem and has won more than it has lost. Child labor was rampant in Britain and the US and was fought against and is now abolished. There is a superb parrallel here. I am sure there are kids who grew up in the 1870's who would have said "I worked in that factory when I was 9 and I survived and you will too". Sounds silly doesn't it? An educated person knows that it is better to simply remove such an oppressive obstacle in the first place. There are kids who could say "my dad beat me every day and I survived it, I will beat you every day and you will learn how to survive too". Now apply this reasoning to bullying and quit trying to justify it or rationalize that it is okay or helpful in some perverse way.
I was bullied in grade school, by both kids and teachers. So, it's not just kids that bully. Then, I worked for a couple of bosses who bullied their employees, including me. The only way I found to stop the bullying was to leave – move to a different school (or class) or to find a different job. Bullies don't change, they just become older bullies.
And, funny thing is that bullies need a group behind them. If you face them one-on-one, without anyone else around, they'll usually back down and won't bother you again. It's a mob mentality. They feel stronger with people at their back. Alone, they're very vulnerable. And, it's usually the people who were bullied who found this out and figured out a way to stand up to them.
I wasn't weak. I wasn't a 'pushover'. I tried ignoring the bullies, then I started fighting them. Then I moved on. I'm still dealing with the after effects but I am alive and kicking!!
true that. one day, just a few months ago, it dawned on me that all of the kids that bullied me in school had stayed back a couple times. As they had two more years of development, physically, they seemed like super beings at the time. Since then I've grown into a stronger than average adult and have never pushed anyone around or used my physical superiority to bully anyone anywhere. I'd advise in most cases, although it may hurt or scare you a bit, to just stand up to your bully, call their bluff. Be loud, make a scene. Embarrass them! You'll be surprised by the outcome!
i remember when i finally stood up to our neighborhood bully, he was a bit overweight and almost 2 years older than us. I just said "stop" as we were walking home from school, "right here!" and confronted him and you know what he did? NOTHING!!, I remember seeing the fear in his eyes. He never bothered me or my group of friends again.
I've seen adults in academia behave that way. Took 9 months and 5 police phone calls to get one particular bully banned from campus.
So basically what I've read from some people (generally speaking) is that those kids who are bullied are weak, DESERVE IT in some way, and will do nothing to make our society stronger.
Tell me how this is a direct reflection of what the Bible teaches, "love thy neighbor".
"So basically what I've read from some people (generally speaking) is that those kids who are bullied are weak"
No. But they will become weak adults if they don't learn how to deal with bullies.
"Tell me how this is a direct reflection of what the Bible teaches, "love thy neighbor"."
Your book of myths does contain a few admirable lines as taught by the philospher Jesus. Unfortunately, Jesus wasn't much of a realist.
Not my book. Just using the religious argument against those who think bullying is ok but claim to be "good Christians".
Life presents enough challenges, trials, and tribulations to make bullying unjustified.
So, based on your claim.... Would we have 3 sets of weak adults. The parents who bullying their kids or allow it, the kid who bullies and the victim?
So a caring individual who is true to themself gets picked on and is weak.
You need help.
A better plan is to discipline the bullies -why should the victim have to "deal" with a bully at all?
They shouldn't have to deal with bullies, at all. Sadly, many adults think that some amount of bullying is okay.
And you are right about the book of myths. Aesops fables are a better guide. But all we really need, as a people, is the First (and only) Real Commandment:
"Try not to be a d**k. You don't always have to succeed, so long as you made an honest effort."
Other side of the Coin – I need help because I believe learning how to deal with adversity makes for strong, independant adults?
trekie70- "A better plan is to discipline the bullies"
doughhnuts – "They shouldn't have to deal with bullies, at all. Sadly, many adults think that some amount of bullying is okay."
Similar thoughts. Look bullying is bad, but the likelyhood of it going away anytime soon is very slim. As a parent I prefer my child to learn (with my help and guidance) how to deal with a bully as opposed to having an authority intervene. (Unless of course it becomes a serious physical issue). If you teach your kid to run and tattle at the first sign of adversity, they will not learn critical skills for becoming self sufficient and independant. P.S. You don't necessarily have to teach your kid to be physical to defeat a bully. Lots of bullies can be changed by kindness and friendship.
I am stronger. A better person. All because I was bullied. No one has any power over me and that is because of the person I am. And who I am to other people.
i, too, was bullied. bullies should be dealt with with understanding and a baseball bat
Just laugh at them. Keep laughing at them.
And That is the completely wrong message to send. Get bullied it will toughen you up? It prepares you for the "real world". You are a better person because you grew up. There are kids killing themselves on an almost daily basis because of bullying. The message of suck it up you'll come out stronger doesn't work.
Listen, unless you know exactly what you are talking about, I would advise against making an uneducated statement. I am very successful in what I do and the relationships I make. If I had someone walk me through life and coddle me when life got tough, I wouldn't be able to handle real life issues in my adult life today. You are creating victims with all of this. I am NOT a victim and I never will be. You are setting these kids up for a lifetime of failure. Life is unfair and it doesn't magically get better when you grow up. Bullies still exist in your 20s, 30s, 40s, and so on. If you can;t find your inner strength early on, you will have to find it later in life. If I had someone tell all of the people who literally created hell on earth for me as a child to stop...I would be waiting, as an adult, for someone to come around and do the same...AND NO ONE will do that for you. Find your inner strength and be better for it.
Did anyone see the movie "The Outsiders"?-this is a way of life nothing new it's part of our history-look at the Hitler, the KKK, the problem is everyone needs someone or something to BELIEVE in-whether it be your parents, teachers, government-these are people as kids we were taught to believe in because they would take care of us–what happened?? so sad–
Dads and Moms tell your kids that you love them and there is nothing they can do to change it. Ask you kids how their day went and when they have a problem, give them the best advice you can. There will alway be bullies. I dealt with them in school, heck, I deal with them now. I'm a grown man and there is nothing, any one in the world can say outside of my home that can hurt my feelings. It is my job to get my children to that point.
The other day there was a story about a bullied girl who killed herself. I could care less about the bullies, but I do pity that the little girl had no one to go to for help. This recent fascination with bullies is silly. Let's talk about the real problem. As a culture/community, how can we raise young men and women who are strong, wise and confident–ready to deal will all of life's challenges? I am not talking about self-esteem pep-talks, but young people who are confident because they are capable.
I agree 100% with you. The problem is not the bullies. The problem is they way children are raised now. Not by parents, but by teachers, surrogates on the internet, smartphones. Parents need to be just that, parents.
Bullying. The new buzzword warcry for overly liberal people who want a nanny state.
Bullying is an important part of growing up. There will and always be mean people who fell the need to impose their will on others (as an aside these people are called Christians as adults). Learning how to deal with such people as a child is valuable experience for later years.
The big kid who pushes you and requires your lunch money to forego a beating is more or less the same as a boss who threatens poor performance ratings in order to get extended work hours. Those who don't learn how to deal with the first won't successfully learn how to deal with the second and far more important interaction.
It is admirable and natural that parents want to protect their children. However, It is far more effective if they teach the child how to counter a bully (either by befriending or outsmarting or outbullying) than to complain to the school and allow someone other than the child being bullied to resolve the issue.
I agree, learn how to deal with the bullies: take them out of the gene pool permanently, starting with Rynomite.
Your comparison to an employer is extremely inaccurate. An employer enters into a mutual contract with you. He or She agrees to compensate you for a certain level of performance. You agree to provide that level of performance. Being held accountable, is not to be bullied. A bully has neither a contract nor productive relationship with a victim. If you believe that bullying is part of normal life, and you continue to teach that, you'll continue to perpetuate the problem. I was at times a victim, and at times the bully. If we are to achieve excellence as a human race, we have to reject behaviors that are beneath excellence. I agree with you that we need to teach our children confidence, and to reject bullying - sometimes physically. But I don't agree with the idea that we shouldn't try to eliminate sociopathic behaviors. That's just putting our heads in the sand.
dirkk – As you had the only intelligent response, I will respond back to you.
"Your comparison to an employer is extremely inaccurate." I suppose it could be depending upon your workplace. In my situation, we are supposed to get our jobs done and expected roughly 40 hour weeks. I excel at my job and do an enormous amount of work in those 40 hours. I do not feel like working extra as I enjoy my life outside of work. I have always gotten exellent perfromance ratings (which impact raises) by all but 1 of my bosses because my work is comparatively better than the vast majority of my collegues. That particlar boss wanted to force me to work additional hours in order to enhance their own standing through my work and I was threatened with poor performance ratings if I did not comply. That sir, is a bully irregardless of a contract status.
"But I don't agree with the idea that we shouldn't try to eliminate sociopathic behaviors". I never said we shouldn't eliminate attempt to elminate bullying from society. Parents should be teaching their children to be kind to others etc. I just don't agree that it's productive to let a school or parent handle a situation that your child should learn from. Cause let's face it, bullying probably isn't going to go away.
@Rynomite – you're so full of it your eyes are brown. You do know the Golden Rule is from the Bible, correct? Christians aren't "imposing our will" on you. We are simply concerned for your eternal life, even if you aren't. Yes, I know, it's your eternal life to worry about, and if you aren't worried about it, why should we be?
It's obvious YOU do not care one iota about it..
No. The "Golden Rule" isn't from the Bible.
"Never impose on others what you would not choose for yourself." – Confucius
It's from everywhere humans live, or have lived.
My eyes are brown! Hod did you know? You stalker! I'm going to pray to Joe Pesci for protection from you!
Came for the stupidity, was not disappointed. There is noexcuse for bullying, period.
Young jerks, if left unchallenged, grow up to be adult jerks. Something this society does not need more of.
Grow the *&^# up people.
Unchalleged is the word. Its simple the biggest brat must be made personnally responsible for stopping bullying. No one will llike tto get beat by the biggest bully around and if he gets caught bullying you can throw him out of school. end of story. Problem solved ,. next please
There are many different types of bullying. I have seen a lot of bullying by aircraft managers who were probably bullied as kids and now have their chance to bully workers in a passive aggressive fashion. Foot note: one supervisor went a little to far and got the heck beat out of him at work by a bullied worker. Careful nerd boys who you try to manage- bully!
The commercial is wonderful. But bullying happens to adults, too. It just gets more complicated and subtle as we get older. I think bullies that don't grow out of it learn to keep it just under radar. Also, kids who were bullied may turn into bullies themselves. Sadly, I'm one of the latter. And I'm very good at it.
Wow, you are very good at it? Sounds like you haven't had a good beating in a while. Keep bullying you will find the wrong guy to bully and receive your payment!
Bob needs to grow a pair and deliver one quick blow to the chin to the dude. One stop solution to bullying. Kids need to fight, they always have. If a kid gets beat down by a bully the school should focus on the weak kids physical development. Now in the old days they were big families and each kid had brothers or sisters. Problem today is parents want their kids to be like dexter the cartoon. You cant screw with nature, if they dont fight now, they will be crazy or colorado shooter violent when they grow up. take your pick.
I see the problem and the problem is you, idiot
Hey it can be a school organized proper boxing bout. with safety face guards and gloves. Even in the military if two guys have real problem , its in the boxing ring for them....
You obviously haven't been in the military in a while if you think they condone fighting each other.
Your response is simple minded at best. Do we teach our kids to stand up for themselves, yes of course. Fight back when needed, sure. But that does not remove the responsibility of grown ups to create a culture where bullying is rare and seen as dysfunctional and punished sufficiently. With your logic perhaps we need to allow drunk drivers to do their thing. Teach people to get out of the way and keep their heads up. We will always have drink drivers so let 'em rip. Smart people realize two responses are needed here. First, keep your self safe while driving, second create laws and enforce them that severely reduce the number of drunk drivers on the road.
I have another Idea, Why not make all Junior High and High School kids run 3 miles in the morning before classes. This was they will be healthy , non obese and will have no excess energy to spend time on bullying. Problem solved. If a kid is caught bullying despite this he either has to run an extra mile every day or must leave school.
Unfortunately, sometimes they have to be dealt with in the same manner. When I was 11 a local 15 year old bully beat the crp out of me. totally unfair as a 15 year old is much bigger than an 11 year old. I rode home on my bike crying and saw my 15 year old brother and Sicilian grandfather (who looked and sounded like the Godfather) raking the leaves in the front yard. I explained what happened and my brother was about to run off and correct a wrong, when my grandfather stopped him. I was expecting the grandfatherly advice that said something like ' fighting will not solve anything' instead he said, "when you get him, make sure you hit him in the stomach first, then go for the head." ... I miss grandpa, and I was never bothered by that kid again.
All over this country teachers, on their own and some instructed by their Union masters, are bullying and attacking all of their students who are not supporting Obama and speak out against this administration.
Read up on what the teacher in Philadelphia did to a young girl for just wearing a Romney shirt.
Outside of Democrats, the rest of America can agree that adults should not bully children, teachers should not encourage their entire class to bully and attack one student for wearing a Romney t-shirt.
The fact that the Republican and independent view on this remains consistant no matter which candidate shirt the student wears, and that Democrats encourage what has happened in Philly and all over the nation yet if the student wore an Obama shirt and was attacked by a Conservative teacher, they would want that teacher jailed.
All I ask is that you examine the facts of how Democrats act, if you have decency then you will clearly see your moral obligation to vote Republican. Our basic rights are on the line, just listen to 'dem scream their hate and lies. Your child may be next.
You live in an exciting world. Did you smile after you posted it? How many times are you going to re-read your comment and smile at it? Feels good. Huh?
WOW. That's some, ahem, "interesting" insight there Doug. Your Republican presidential nominee participated in some extremely harsh bullying. Again, WOW.
Doug, you are just further proof that Republicans in general are total morons. I would reply with logical retorts to your farcical, indeed even psychotic, statements, but all I can do is laugh at your idiocy.
All you have to do is watch Soledad Obrien to the morning to validate his point. Significant bully in the liberal media. Question you own intelligence genius.
There IS a large component of bullying by educators (which we all know are mostly liberal) and their students.
From the subtle lower grades rewarded for papers stemming from a conservative point of view to outright ridicule in front of class from a student who dares to voice his/her opinion that he/she disapproves of Obama.
It happens. As you can imagine, I live in Boulder, Colorado, and I'm Republican. My kids encounter this more often than you could imagine.
The political correctness of how to respond to bullies is part of the problem. 3 girls bullied our daughter in the fourth grade. The teacher and principal told her to just be the “bigger” person and accept that eventually the bullying would end. When I spoke to the teacher and principal I was told there was little they could do. The parents of the leader of the 3 basically admitted they knew their daughter was a bully but (without saying so directly) were proud of her. The father told me my daughter needed to “be more aggressive maybe” in pushing back. The police were no help at all because nothing was witnessed and one of the girls’ fathers was a cop.
I taught my daughter to fight back, and also taught her to not confront anyone when all 3 were together. She found the leader alone at school and broke her nose using a rock. The principal was outraged and we threatened to sue the school. The police called it self-defense. Our daughter was suspended for 3 days. She’s an assistant prof at an Ivy now teaching math. Our daughter was never bullied again. Yes, I’ve heard about how wrong it was to teach my daughter to stop being bullied. But often that is all they understand.
Bullying is good for society, it seperates the strong and the weak and builds character regardless if your the bullied or the bully. As a society we should support the process of strong over weak. Our society is filling up with pansy weaklings. We will be invaded within the next 50 years by a country who made its people strong and didnt worry about a the few weak and useless in its society. Survival of the fittest.
I agree. The only problem is that laws protect the criminal, not the innocent. If you bully me I would like nothing more than to defend myself. Punch you in the nose. However, while I may not be held liable for assault, you can still pull me into court for other civil matters...and win. Lawyers are the problem. See my other post.
Troll....also strong vs weak doesn't matter anymore because anyone can pick up a high powered automatic assault rifle now.
Troll?....because he has a different opinion than you. You must be one of those CNN moderater bullies. Maybe they should make Soledade Obrien read this article.
Pick on up...yes... afford to buy one? No. So now we have to be strong and wealthy?
While I understand the "survival" mentality listed above... If your child/sibling/friend kills themselves because of the deep emotional trauma inflicted upon them you may grow up a bit.
What we need is not bullying but awareness. Mental preparation must be built through understanding and teachings not from the tough kid kicking the crud out of you.
So if one person is in the middle of a circle of bullies and is being verbally and physically assaulted no matter how big the muscles are, how big the confidence is and how much of a "bigger person" they are by not fighting back that it's fair to bully to make that individual stronger? I hope you GOD you are not a parent as that was the most ignorant comment I have seen on this website/forum. People like you are the biggest reasons why the teenage suicide rate is higher than teenage car crashes. People like you are the reason why kids are afraid to go to school when all they want to do is go, make friends and get an education. Think before you speak and I hope that Karma comes back to show you what bullying is like and the tables turned on you. You disgust me.
You are weak...that is why you are disgusted....Not because of his comment.
In that case, Morgan, somebody needs to kick your ass good and hard.
I was bullied as a kid.
My character was built from the values instilled in me by my parents, not being bullied.
Overcoming, living with, and managing my depression has built my character, not being bullied.
Donating my time and energy to Pancreatic Cancer Research has built my character, not being bullied.
Being a loving husband and father has built my character, not being bullied.
Being bullied has done NOTHING to build my character.
And to your insensitive comments about "weak and useless in society", I pray that you never have a child who has been bullied, because unfortunately, that is the only way for you to see how WRONG you are.
You're just sick. Bullying is not necessary, it is only considered so by those who are bullies.
Fix the family law system in this country and a lot of our problems will at the very least become smaller and some will disappear. No, I will not elaborate. You are adults. Think about it.
The only problem I have is why is it always a white guy doing the bullying? I have been bullied as an adult and guess what it was not a white male dishing it out. How about a little diversity?
yeah, i just noticed the entire staff is white. lol. and why cant a woman bully a man.
Duh huh, yeah some guy! You're right, you're right. They should have produced seven versions of this commercial. It is obvious (as some guy points out) that the makers of this commercial believe women can not be bullies. And there should be a Chinese teen and a Lebanese widow in the commercial too. Wow, I missed all that somehow. Thanks some guy!
I was bullied in grade school until highschool. I was a weirdo and said some really stupid things. It was because I had a really messed up home life. Now that I am an adult, I am a better person because of being bullied. I don't think I would care so much for others if it wasn't for all those years of being pushed around. I am smarter for it. I choose the people I surround myself with carefully and I don't allow anyone to get away with being a jerk if I can help it. Bullying made me a better human being. As weird as that sounds.
Bullying has always been a problem. The fact is, there is no magic wand that society has that can eliminate bullying...it will NEVER go away. In my humble opinion, the way our society has been dealing with bullies has contributed, in part, to the growing problem. However, the single biggest reason why bullying has seemingly grown exponentially in the last decade is, in my opinion, a result of disconnected and out-of-touch parents. While technology absolutely makes it FAR easier to bully someone on a grander scale, technology is merely the means and not the problem. Parents are the cornerstone of their childrens lives and it's my belief that MILLIONS of parents in this country have done a huge disservice to their children. How...you may ask? Parents (and I am one for the record) are far too concerened with pleasing their peers (who has the biggest house, nicest car, makes the most money, the list goes on), rather than making certain that their FIRST PRIORITY is their children. Many parents do not MAKE time for their kids. Instead, their children receive the time/attention that might be left at the end of the day. What they/we should be doing is putting our children FIRST...ALWAYS. Games, sports, careers, friends, co-workers...these should all be secondary to our children. When we don't put our children first, we simply won't have the energy/time to teach them as we should be teaching them. We won't have the patience to sit with them, to understand them, to make them know we stand by them. We won't have the ability to truly teach them how to deal with someone like a bully, or empower them to stand up for themselves. We will, however, have just enough time to try and figure out how we can put the problem and solution on someone else (I.e. schools and teachers). The parents in this country need to wake up and fast! PARENTS! It's OUR [first] RESPONSIBILITY to teach our children...let's stop looking for anyone, everyone else to teach them for us. Let's stop looking beyond ourselves for a solution to our problems!! This country and our foundation wasn't built by people who looked to and expected others to fix our problems...it was built by finding solutions on our own and leading others along the way.
I agree generally with what you are saying, with a few minor points:
1) I don't think anyone realistically expects bullying to go away anymore than one expects crime to go away. The goal is to minimize it. To minimize crime, putting more police on the streets is a helpful but partial solution. Likewise, stronger teacher supervision of and harsher punishment at school for bullying is a helpful but partial solution. That said, this does help and should not be dismissed simply because it does not solve the entire solution.
2) The solution is multi-pronged, not singular. One prong is stronger teacher supervision and punishment at school. This is necessary to protect good kids (whose great parents have made them good, non-bullying kids) against bullies (whose poor parents you rightly criticize). For example, we cannot dump toxic waste on our schoolgrounds and simply blame parents for not training their kids to step around the puddles of it.
3) Regarding putting kids before careers, your view may be appicable to a large demographic, but to many parents, putting their careers and working hard for their income to provide for their kids is a FORM of putting their kids first. So again, you can't quickly blame parents who do this without knowing their situation.
But in general, I agree with your emphasis on parent liability.
Well said BC!
Bullying in normal instinctive human behaviour. Its social and psychological benefits far outweigh the slight harm it does to a handful of emotional cripples.
Please list all of those benefits and list the downside to trying to curb bullying, citing sources, of course. Let's see some science behind that ludicrous statement.
NY times did a story on the benefits of bullying and how its beneficial to a society.
Does that mean kids who are bullied should get a handicap sticker?
My last question is as ridiculous as calling those who are bullied "emotional cripples".
If you could READ...You would understand that the article is about adults being bullied...not kids...Got to love that Lib spin and lack of knowledge.
Phil – I did read, and the article is in relation to kids being bullied. Don't assume you know where my political allegiance lies just because you can't comprehend a simple analogy.
Phil is a moron who can't read. Not only did he miss your analogy, he missed the analogy of the commercial.
I am 65 years old and live next door to a Pure Sociopath. For the past two years she has bullied and harassed me because of something the police made her do that has nothing to do with me. I have had her arrested two times for trespassing in my gated back yard and have been to court against her two times, she was acquitted both times. Since those court dates she and her father have bullied me almost on a daily basis. Her father has tried to run me down in the street as I crossed two times in the past month. She and her father have threatened me three times. The police have been very kind as they know this Pure Sociopath because she has a record a mile long. To protect myself I have had to purchase a gun and get a permit as I fear for my life nearly every day. The point in this epistle? My point is to let everyone know that children are not the only ones that are bullied.
And you are completely innocent.....sure...
Most of them belong to the "conservative" club.
I don't know about you guys, but if I were Bob I would just stop going in the breakroom. Problem solved, right?
Then avoid the bathroom, parking lot...and everywhere else.
wrong. You can't just stop going to the places where the bullies might be. They seek you out. they find you just to humiliate you. They are in the lunch rooms (breakrooms), in the hallways, in the bathrooms, etc. You can't keep running or you will always be running. You have to find a way to stand up to them and let them know you aren't going to take it anymore.
Work and school are two totally different environments. If you are the bully, and you are an excellent employee, especially at sales, then you can do whatever you want! If you keep those numbers up, or the stock price high, you have a free pass. As always, $ talks, and everything else is inconsequential!
This is so true! When will bullying in the workplace be addressed????
My daughter was bullied so badly, we moved. Told her to delete basically her facebook, and not talk about what happened before with anybody new... We went thru the gambit with her, she got into drugs, cut herself, plus had one of the worst experiences a daughter should not have experienced at a party she wasn't suppose to be at... and was in the 'black phase' as I call it... listening to scremo music and being angry all the time... It was truly awful! Moving has made a world of difference for her- she is completely different...! And we never gave up on her either in the sense of being a nagging parent, asking questions. There are times when I worry about flashing back, but nothing yet... That was so scary for us all! I was bullied when I was growing up...started with an abusive father and step father... talk about having your heart ripped out for your child! Bullying needs to STOP...
Michele – I pray that your daughter and family make it through this difficult time. I have a 2 year daughter, and my greatest fear is that she will experience bullying like I did. You're right, it has to stop. There is no place for it in society.
Glad your daughter is better.
To those people who are brushing it off as nothing either don't have kids, WERE the bullies themselves, or enjoy making a ridiculous comment to get a rise out of people because their lives are pathetic and meaningless.
I grew up in the 90's, and the scars from being bullied (mind you, because of a "different" last name and because I didn't berate others) are still there. I have learned to fight through my depression and thoughts of suicide to cope with those memories.
I always get choked up when I read about a child who takes their own life because they didn't see a way out. THIS SHOULD NEVER HAPPEN! Those resources for parents and kids didn't exist then, but they SHOULD exist now. No child should have to be afraid of going to school or going online for fear of physical, psychological, or social abuse.
What the hell kind of statement is that? That the bullies enjoy picking on their victims whose lives are pathetic and meaningless?? How the hell does one know what the other person has going on in their lives?!!!:
What's with the current fascination with bullying? Have we solved all of our real problems?
Bully IS a real problem my friend. What do you think many of these kids are like when they grow up? They grow up to be the kind of people who take things from others-money, dignity, and maybe even lives.
What about the bullies? Why do we so conveniently forget that they are people too? If they don't bully other kids, who can they bully? Each other? Not likely.
Go on Cappy maintain your wonderful mentality on bullies, it is just a ray of sunshine, gum drops and lollipops. I don't know where you stand on this subject but defending others who disrespect, harm, intimidate, abuse or disrupt someone's class lesson or job duties is not cool....are you a bully? Or have you been bullied? Because if you've experienced the latter then you wouldn't have made such an intelligent statement..(sarcasm).....
A lot of the problem is the schools and their authorities won't even stand up for themselves and then when a parent takes it upon themselves they get very little support until it becomes a social media mess for the school itself.
My kid's school district has a zero tolerance policy toward bullying and it works. All instances of bullying are are taken seriously and handled on an individual basis. Sometimes all you need is adults who show they care. When I was a kid, bullying was fine right up to the point where it gets physical and the adults in the school wouldn't intervene unless it got physical. That's not the case where we live now.
Once you see a bully, look at one or both of their parents. The apple usually doesn't fall far from the tree. One serious problem with the bully issue is that their parents are usually bullies. You often run into a defensive / agressive or both brick wall trying to deal with a bully's parents. I spend alot of time around kids through youth programs and I see this quite often. Some times you can get through to a bully, only to have the situation revert back because of what he has at home.
This was certainly true in my case. The father of the kid who bullied me in high school was the owner of the town liquor store and this dad died of cirrhosis of the liver just a few years after I was in high school. Unfortunately, like father like son... the bully now owns the liquor store. I wonder if he has children who are bullies too?
I think that this anti-bullying ad should have gone one further, because the problem with allowing a child to bully is that the child can carry this behavior into adulthood, which might lead him/her to be KILLED by knifepoint or gunshot by the victim.
You bring up a good point. The problem for society is not just the bullied but the bully. Reading the comments that the individual should stand up alone I am struck that the anti bully campaigns are an attempt to find a social rather than individual solution. If one stands alone then a counter show of force is about the only recourse. If a group of people intervene then a non-violent response becomes possible. This may be the way to break the cycle of violence. After all, what does the bully learn from the counter violence but that a larger show of violence is needed or just move on to a more vulnerable target.
I don't remember kids committing suicide back in the day because of bullying! What is with that trend? I was bullied at a time and the ENTIRE grade didn't like me! I didn't have one friend! I'm stronger now because of it, and now have lots of friends and a successful career. NEVER did it ever cross my mind to kill myself. Seriously, kids today are so weak. And no, I will not pity someone who committed suicide. It's so ridiculous.
There was not something called the internet. You never heard much about it because you didn't get the news from California if you lived in New York. THe problem isn't getting worse, people are just becoming more aware.
In this digital age, bullying doesn't end when the school bell rings. It becomes an everyday, all-day event on Facebook, Twitter, e-mail, you name it. Bullies are posting comments and pictures for everyone to see on the web, so it's much worse than when you were in school.
They did... but this wasn't really news back then when dinosaurs existed.
Bullying has been taken to a whole new level with social networking. You can't just move. It follows you and allows you the bully to humiliate you before a wider audience. And back in the day kids DID commit suicide. In case you haven't noticed, we're part of a 24 hour news cycle. You just hear about it more now.
Yes, because you never heard of it, it never happened.
Instead of gloating for your victory, maybe you can see this for what it is and help put a stop to it. Allowing this type of behavior to continue by turning a blind eye to it is no better than being a bully yourself (which you sound like, an awful lot).
Kids did commit suicide because of bullying back then but it frequently wasn't news nor was it discussed in the community as there was often a great deal of shame associated with the person who committed suicide. Bullying is tragic and wrong.
Congratulations, you have acquiered a bully's mindset!
Are you sure that you were bullied? Or was it that you weren't well received due to your lack of compassion?
Your comment is absurd. First off, you state you are strong now, as an adult, and then fault kids for being weak. You are faulting kids for not being as strong as you are now. That comparison is invalid. You need to compare yourself as a kid to today's kids. As a kid, you were weak just as weak as they are now, if not weaker. So your insult of kids for being weaker is hilarious (and arguably "bullyish" in itself).
And yes, I mean you were weak psychologically, probably crying over it, feeling like crap, perhaps even with occasional suicidal ideation. That is speculative on my part but likely. At the very least you were weak for tolerating it for so long without standing up to them. You therefore know that bullying damages your self-image and inflicts psychological pain, yet you criticize kids who kill themselves over it. Obviously those kids are feeling the utmost extreme level of bullying and its effects. My guess is if you had received their bullying you would have killed yourself as well.
Boys will be boys. Simple case of natrual selection. Nothing more.
Brook, "boys will be boys" is a lame cop out... if the same behavior happens when they are 19 or 20 they get arrested and go to jail. Excusing bad behavior as kids and then expecting them to be well adjusted adults is simply crazy.
and dumbas#es will always be dumbas#es....What a stupid post!!!
You must know a lot about natrual selection huh bro? Maybe you were busy bullying someone during spelling class.
do you use this logic when talking about the holocaust?
If you are a parent who needs tips and real strategies for stopping bullies, here is a list of resources and info: http://bit.ly/MMomJf
I went through something very similar at work, but instead of fat, I was a fa&&ot . My boss did nothing. Somehow, the physical incident was spun around to being my fault. The commercial made me very emotional, because you know it never stops, and somehow, the victim deserved it.
I'm sorry Xan you went through this...hope things are better now....and STAND UP for yourself against ANYONE WHO MISTREATS YOU, regardless of your differences....gosh I am so angry reading these stories of people being bullied, it makes me want to just wish you all shot everyone of them to death or beat them.........I just stay away from people
What is it with the sudden epidemic of bullying these days?
Its like out of nowhere, someone left their cave and discovered that kids pick on each other.
Simple solution... fight back.
Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts to the face do sometimes.
Oh, I forgot.. Its illegal to fight back these days.
Just be a victim and default to someone else solving the problem for you.
We're raising a generation of victims in this country.
Phantom, it has never been OK to be bullied. Not from the victim's point of view. Ever. The whole "boys will be boys" argument and "it's just kids" excuse is why adults NOW are hateful and cruel, thinking it's ok. People stopped respecting each other somewhere along the line. Those that were bullied as youths are now often victims of abuse as adults or bully others. This is NOT normal, it is NOT good, and it is NOT right.
And adults are actually worse about bullying than kids now days. Look at the comments. Look at the way the media talks about people. Calling names, making fun of how someone looks, all this is heightened in our 24/7 media consumption. Just because someone is in politics, they do not have the right to belittle someone else, call them names, make fun of their looks, etc. Just because someone is a celebrity, they do not deserve to be ridiculed, called 'fat', or treated poorly. Someone who works hard at any job, be it a janitor or CEO does not deserve to be called names or made fun of.
People need to start respecting each other. Treat the person taking your train ticket as a PERSON. The bag boy/girl at the store as a PERSON. If you thought for just half a second how you would feel if treated the way you just behaved, or how your child would react, or your mother or father, this world would be a much better place.
And if you have never had anyone in your life show you how to treat another with respect, I feel for you.
LOL.. its NOT normal? What world do you live in?
Find yourself any historical reference you can find and you can't go 5 pages without finding a reference to something that is now categorized as "bullying". And that's just at the macro level.
Unfortunately, it is a fact of life...regardless of how rose-colored your glasses are. Only difference is what you, as an individual do about it.
You don't think i was bullied as a child? You think moving from a hispanic country to a white/irish town in the 80s is an easy task?
Did i like it.. absolutely not.. but like everyone else, i had options. I could of hid and wished it to go away, or i could of stood up for myself and done what i had to do to make sure it stopped. And that's what i did.
I agree with you, however, its not a pleasant experience and it really is something awful to happen to anyone. Its flat out wrong, but hey.. thats life. Sometimes you're the statue, sometimes you're the pigeon.
As far as your last comment.You assume things. Respect is given or earned... if the first option fails, you make the second one happen.
I see where you are coming from, but some kids just don't have it in them to fight back. The only way to stop bullying is to create an environment (a society) where bullying is not tolerated. I wish more kids would fight back as well, but we can't blame them for not doing so if they don't have the capacity. Make the bullies accountable, and make the practice of bullying unacceptable.
Great message and wake-up call to adults! Let's not pretend that this stuff does not go on. When we, as adults, wake up and do what we should be doing, these things will cease. I know, I know – Kids will be kids, it will happen somehow, somewhere, someway. But, if being an "adult" helped stop one kid from being hurt (or taking their own life), wouldn't you do it??
It takes a village to raise a child - and an even bigger village to allow them to be a child all the way through childhood.
I am a tougher individual now after grown up bullied. I personally thought the video was kinda funny. Shame on fatty for not defending himself. I learned how. The victim is as much to blame for not taking action as other people are to prevent it.
Shows how much you know. Nowadays, if the victim DID actually do something, they would be in as much, if not more trouble, than the aggressor. It's Lose-Lose for the victim. Lose if you do nothing, Lose if you fight back. What the hell are you supposed to do in this situation?
You learned to cope and to "fight back" so that you do not feel like a victim. I am sorry for what you went through and I admire your strength. But you don't realize that you are also a victim because you lost your compassion for other individuals in these similar situations. Or rather, your compassion was "stolen" by the people who bullied you. The strength that you developed to survive robbed you of your ability to feel compassion for people who are going through these terrible, painful, experiences. You will not be a victim when you take your survival to the next level and regain your compassion. True strength does not mock "weakness". True strength has compassion for the weak and defends those who can't defend themselves.
This is Freedom From Workplace Bullies Week. Go to workplacebullying.org .
Do what I did in school. Find a degenerate on the street and pay him $50 to beat the living crap out of the guy that bullied me. Never had a problem going forward. The bully was in a hospital nursing a broken nose and two ribs for over a month. He sure got humble and never bothered a soul. That's how it's done.
SO you won by out-bullying himvia a surrogate because you couldn't stand up for yourself? That makes you even sadder on multiple levels.
no, that was a smart way for him to deal with it. Certain people won't listen to Kumbaya... like degenerate bullies... or the Taliban.
Yes, that's how it works out there in the world.
The only true deterrent to violence is the threat of even bigger violence in retaliation.
Works that way in nature, works that way with humans, regardless of how advanced you think society has gotten.
Why do you think countries like the US spend so much money on military and military technology.
Wish I had thought of it. Would certainly keep me out of assault charges. Too bad there were no homeless people where I grew up.
LOVE it. Good for you!
Wasn't even man enough to solve his own problems. Had to pay someone else to do it. Sad.
Spoken like a true American. Just like America always does ... hire this guy to fight that guy.
Actually all the other countries come and ask the USA to help fight for them and we are the big brother on the block taking care of all the global bullies so I am not quite sure what you are talking about Brook.
In case you haven't notices, the USA does its own fighting.
Or you just go and get daddy's gun and use even bigger violence. Guaranteed results every time.
When I got bullied I would wait until no one was looking then I would sneak up behind them and kick them in the ass as hard as I could. If they were stupid enough to threaten me again I would kick them again. No bully ever went three rounds and I never got in trouble or got beat up afterwards.
It happens in our schools since the EDUCATION system allows it. Teachers and school administrators are the biggest bullies ever... It is a known fact that Healthcare and Education are breeding grounds for this type of behavior. school boards bully the principals, principals bully the teachers. The teachers bully each other... That is why it is in our schools, they see it as a way of life.... Stop them, and it will finally stop in our schools...
You are a fool if you believe that the education system sits back and 'allows' bullying to happen. It is more like Susy Sunshine's mother does not believe her innocent little girl could possibly be a bully and swoops in to save her any time she gets in trouble. Teachers can not do anything unless they witness the bullying, and bullies are smart enough to do these things in places where it can not be seen. Get a grip on reality and stop blaming teachers and schools for every ill of society!
I was bullied on the bus by one student... everyday for almost a year. I dreaded that bus. Twice a day it made me sick to think about it. I told the bust driver several times about it. I told my home room teacher about it. Nothing happened (I guess they thought I should solve it myself). So, one day I told my friend to hold my books for me and carry them home. When that boy started on me, I hit him over and over again... and they had to almost pull me off of him. I went to the principles' office the next day because I was in trouble for fighting. However, after I told the principle my story, I was let go and he go in trouble. That was really my only fight in school. I solved the problem myself and that dreaded bus ride became a victory ride. I felt proud in what I did, my head held a little higher, and happy that ONE adult listened and did the right thing. That was over 20 years ago. Now, I have kids and fighting of any kind is not allowed (even in self defense). Times change... bully's behaviors don't. I'm confused in this new world.
So the confusing part is that grown-ups are being asked to take more responsibility in stopping bullying, apparently unlike anyone in your day, and because more onus is being placed on the bus driver and home room teacher to actually intervene when a problem is reported to them and children are therefore allowed to fight it out less (hopefully to the eventual state of not needing to fight it out at all), that confuses you?
So the confusing part is that grown-ups are being asked to take more responsibility in stopping bullying, apparently unlike anyone in your day, and because more onus is being placed on the bus driver and home room teacher to actually intervene when a problem is reported to them and children are therefore allowed to fight it out less (hopefully to the eventual state of not needing to fight it out at all), that confuses you?
-- I'm sure it's confusing not because there's more responsibility and onus on the authority figures to stop bullying, because obviously, that plan is not working. I say if you're the victim of bullying and you're brought up not to defend yourself; then you're being brought up to be a victim. My kids will learn how to fight, they will know when its acceptable to fight and when it's not... They will not be victims, that's for damn sure.
Cool, sounds like a great scripted movie scene. My guess is that the bully you beat up was your size or, if he was bigger, then a poor fighter. What if your ass had been whooped as a result of your decision? What if the bully put you in a hospital? Here's some really basic concepts I'd like you to consider:
1) If the bully is physically stronger and/or more skilled at fighting than the victim, the victim will lose (unless you throw a sucker punch, which is hardly "standing up" to him ;)
2) Here's where you say, "Bullies are cowards by nature. It doesn't matter if you lose. He will respect and/or fear that you will fight him and stop his bullying in the days following the fight." You sure about that? The fight outcome might reinforce his ability to dominate you physically and embolden him to continue his bullying.
A movie... hmmmmm. I like the sound of that.
My point is that there are other ways to confront bullies, other tools to punish and strike fear into him. That tool is caring and effectual adults (as opposed to apathetic, dead-beat adults).
And for the loser who said "my kids will not be victims," trust me, if the bully is physically more capable then your kid, then your kid will be a victim (either a victim in the hospital or a victim of continued bullying or both). If you are saying, "My kid will recover and the bully will now leave him alone because he stood up to him," then read my above paragraph.
Very good points... yes, I was about his size and my outcome might not be the same for all.
While I was on vacation one of our "managers" yelled at my coworker in hearing range of a bunch of other "managers" and fellow employees. Nothing was said or done about it. Until I got back from vacation that is. We took it to certain people in the corporate level bypassing those that heard and did nothing. It got straightened out real quick and so far has not happened again. What I'm hearing is that the company he worked for before has a nasty history of yelling at anyone "below" them for the slightest of reasons.
In my opinion bullying is a problem, but it's only a problem to those that let themselves get pushed around.
N/A: Bullying is only a problem for those who allow themselves to get pushed around? Kind of like rape is only a problem for women who get it, or child abuse is only for children who tolerate it. Get a clue, develop a sense of empathy, or be a hermit. The world has enough insensitive and mean people.
Robbery is on a problem to those who let themselves get pushed around.
I yearn for the days when Internet Anonymity is a thing of the past....
As far as the schools go it's become even harder for good kids to stand up for themselves because they have to fear being automatically expelled if it turns into a fight because of "no tolerance for violence" policies put in place at schools that take judgment calls about how to handle the situation out of the hands of teachers. It used to be "well that kid has tormenting everyone and had it coming" now everything is ignored right up until the good kid pushes back and there's a fist fight in the cafeteria then it's blind punishment for everyone regardless of the kids involved or the situation.
To n/a "bullying only happens to those who dont stand up for themselves". Really?
you are either an idiot or someone who cant see the obvious. Bullying is only effective with fear, and if others watching let it continue. What if you are outnumbered? Sometimes its better to not stand up against it and get to walk away. Step in and stop it if you see it! Dont blame the bullied!
And...this mindset is EXACTLY how bullying has become the problem it has in America.
Clearly if someone is being bullied it is only because they are letting themselves be bullied? Really?
Yes, all crimes are the victims fault...
Rolling eyes, what happened to CNN – did the Yahoo posters get tired of trolling that site?
Bullies only understand one language: for a bigger bully to bully them. To that end, only a revival of corporal punishment has any hope of working. Suspensions only serve as "badges of honor" for the bullies. Jail time is only better as far as they are concerned. Perhaps we should take a lesson from Singapore, and have bullies publicly lashed.
Your assumption is simultaneously true and false, according to the vast majority of research on the topic of corporal punishment. It DOES extinguish unwanted behavior, but those who recieve it also have a higher likelihood of becoming liars, cheaters, and bullies themselves. And that makes sense – they develop self-protection strategies to avoid the hitting, but strategies that hurt them and others in the longer run.
Then just cool their heels in juvie for a while. Some time in handcuffs and jail sends a pretty clear message.
That wasn't bullying. That was assault. Bullies in the office are a lot more subtle than that. The "bully" in that video would be in handcuffs by lunch. The creators of this "PSA" either don't get it, or are trying to shift the attention away from the actual problem.
I think you missed the point. The point isn't what's right or wrong in the work place. It's the adult version of the bullying that goes on in schools. It's to make adults realize how hurtful it can be so they can get involved.
Thats the point, an adult would be in handcuffs. Yet we ignore situations just like that when it's our kids.
"Anyone who watches the public service announcement, “Break Bullying,” would see no office would allow the scene to play out that way. In reality, it didn't: It was based on actual experiences from the producer's middle school years."
That's the point of the video – to show how unacceptable the bullying which goes on in our schools would be in any kind of work situation.
Sometimes the bully in the office is the boss.
Instead of being the victim how about standing up for yourself. Instead of putting the spotlight on the bully, how about shunning him/her. Instead of walking around with your "feelings" exposed, how about projecting some confidence. Cause and effect, action and reaction. Ever wonder why some kids aren't bullied? They don't play the game.
Pretty easy; if one (and a bunch of "others") has any rights to claim out of being a bully why not out of being a "victim" a/o created group thereof?
Fact is that humans cary both "genes"...potentially a bully or a victim.
And a "few' who act as if they don't have any nor did observe the "others" utilizing them.
It's called politics.
"Instead of walking around with your "feelings" exposed"
And then wonder why the world is such a cold place?
Isn't that exactly where the bully thrives on?..create chaos and concur.
It's really funny to observe politics praying on (created) emotions while the winners have a blast 'cause business is emotionless.
Bless your heart, the point of my comment went right over your head.
So basically use violence. Which is pretty much the concept of the school shooting.
I don't know how you came up with "violence", that is not at all what I said.
What do you think standing up for yourself entails? Just stern talking too?
I did the stand up to bully thing when I was uoung. Words didn't work a bike gear across the leg did. I shouldn't have to do that just to get some one to not bother me.
And what about him? What if he had gotten an infections or serious injury? This isn't lord of the flies, adults need to do something before things get out of hand.
Wow, blaming the victims...I take it you were and still are a bully! Keep up the good work!!
We should start making criminal charges for cases of extreme bullying. An adult can't go around slandering and attacking people, neither should a teen. If a kid keeps having physical confrontations for example, throw misdemeanor assault on him. Maybe the parents will notice then.
True. That's exactly why a lot of kids don't get bullied. And those are the ones we could use as adults to get the message to bullies that it's not "cool" to beat somebody down to make yourself feel better. Look around, those children and young adults who are confident, don't get bullied, and never bully themselves, are the ones who can make a difference. Those are the future leaders who know right from wrong. They are more likely to accept somebody being different with tollerance and without the need to crush them. Bullies, and the bullied can learn their strength though the right guidance and example. Adults, step up and empower your kids
YOU have shown your feelings, dearest. And they're just as pitiful.
You have a nice day : )
Spoken like a true bully, and adults do blly others all the time.
Thanks for the blessings, but looking away under god doesn't provide you any rights over others either.
I remember being in second grade and riding to school with a bunch of high school bullies (boys and girls) that loved to slap me around. Trip me as I'm going for a seat. Punching and pushing me the whole trip to school and back home. Just being mean in general. The bus driver did nothing. I told the school and the principals talked. And still nothing changed. You tell us how a 7 or 8 year old is going to "stand up" to a 17 year old. 18 year old... Even a 19 year old in some cases. Without help from the school authorities? Think before you post fool.
If I am the "fool" to whom you speak, this article is about adults bullying adults, not small children on a bus.
@lilyq RTFA, the article and the video was to show what it would look like if it were in the office. This is about children on a bus being victimized.
"Nelson was bullied in middle school and fell back on that experience to create a story that would resonate with adults who saw it."
If I am the "fool" to whom you speak, this article is about adults bullying adults, not small children on a bus.
How about you read the article? It isn't about adults bullying adults, it is explained in the article. You are a moron.
" Instead of walking around with your "feelings" exposed, how about projecting some confidence"
It's like you never went to school or were a child...
I am absolutely stunned and disgusted at the idiotic posts this morning. Bullying is a crime and needs to be taken seriously. Turning a blind eye because "you turned out fine" is allowing the rite of passage to continue. You know what happens when an 18 yr old bullies someone? They go to jail.
Do you realize how contradictory your comment is? The victims of bullying are purposely chosen BECAUSE they do not stand up for themselves (hence the term victim).
Man you hit the nail on the head for me...I am 27 years old and dealt with a 50 year old who was subtle in his bullying tactics. My reaction was to not respond back by doing the petty small things he did, I just kept my head up and remained cool and calm but confident in his presence. However, this is not doable if the bully is putting his hands on you or repeatedly day in and day out talking trash to your face. Maybe one day or two can be ignored, but not everyday.....it gets really intense when someone pushes you, bumps into you on purpose or says unnecessary things in your face! Your method works for some cases, but definitely not in a general sense.
I haven't read the other comments, but Bullying is an obvious problem to anybody who's been paying attention since childhood. Besides stepping in as adults, creating laws and punishments in schools. We HAVE TO teach KIDS THEMSELVES not to stand for bullying. Teach your children to say something if somebody else wont. Alienate bullys, and to be self-confident enough to do so without fear. This IS possible. Lead by example in your own home.. Adults stepping in without helping kids become stronger in how to deal with bullys themselves.
That doesn't do anything about the adult bullies among us....and isn't that what kids are being prepped for?
That's what i mean by "lead by example." We're the adults, the ones who are willing to step up to Bullys ned to do so in the adult would and show our chlidren. Somebody gave me the advice once, "If you don't stand up for yourself, nobody else will:" That is a true statement later in life. We have to teach our kids how to do that to prepare them for adulthood. Leaving them to fend for themselvs with guidance on how to solve problems, doesn't help them.
As it is we'll "only" end up prepping kids for legalized bullying.
In order to make a true change there's need to fight systems which systematically are completely ignorant to any complaint.
It's still called politics.
A very bad excuse not to change.
In the meanwhile the planet is being destroyed...speaking about bullies.
I think this a great thing. I was a bully but stopped. I have also been bullied. I've been bullied on chat rooms...especially Yahoo. :) I make a point to be respectful of others. Example: I'm an atheist. But when I see a child has been killed and people offer to pray I find it inappropriate of other atheists to say how their is no god at that moment. You should have empathy for the parent....regardless of their religion, political view, education, color, or whatever the difference may be.
Yet you still feel the need to name you after something other than yourself?
I've read this several times and still have no clue what you're trying to say.
Too bad you didn't grow out of stupid.
Good for you Mike! Glad to see you were self-aware and able to change detrimental behavior.
Even though this PSA is aimed at addressing bullying among kids at school, it also depicts the similar (and equally insidious) phenomenon of workplace bullying among adults.
Some studies show that up to 30% of adults are subjected to workplace bullying. Often, the bullying comes down from a supervisor to a subordinate; but peer-to-peer bullying (as depicted in the video) is prevalent as well. In these cases, management often becomes complicit in the bullying by refusing to react to and handle the situations fairly and appropriately (as shown in the video).
The scene in the video might seem far-fetched for adults to behave in such a manner; but I have witnesse this type of behavior in my own workplace. I have been the victim of bullying by a colleague at work (in a college department) for more than 8 years. Believe me; being the victim of workplace bullying is just as pernicious and harmful as schoolyard bullying. It can destroy your career; it can cause serious health problems; etc. I had to take a 6-month medical leave of absence because of the bullying (and because the college administration did not effectively address the bullying to stop it).
If you would like more information about workplace bullying (whether you're a victim, a manager, or a concerned colleague), visit: http://www.workplacebullying.org
Paul, the only way to change the bahavior of another is to change yours first.
So the answer to stop bullying according to you is to became a bully??? So, bullies are fine, they have the right attidute, it is the victims that should change their behaviours??? Is that what you teach your kids? And then we wonder why bullying is such a big problem now at days!!!
Paul, I live/work with the same scenario. I have put up with it for over 11 years now. Why? Once upon a time I did stand up to this 'person' and not only was the retaliation worse, I also got called into the boss's office and repreimanded. All I did was stand up for myself. The taunting, name calling, and other blatant rude behavior is part of my daily life. I have been through a rough couple of years and am doing my best to get out of this job and into another. With tthe economy and job situation, that is easier said than done. I cannot afford to take time off and full time search for employment, wish I could. And to those that think that only kids look to hurting themselves by suicide, etc. as a way out and to make this daily assault stop, no, adults in situations similiar to mine and even myself have considered it after an exceptionally bad day. Yes, I have went to upper management with the situation, our human resource department called my boss into her office and consequently I got called into his office and threatened with my job over this situation – again. So in 11 years I have been not only subjected to this 'person's' nearly daily tirades, tantrums, and harrasment but have had my employment threatened twice for seeking help to put an end to it. Cannot wait to get another job and be free from this. Cannot remember what it was like to enjoy a job.
Workplace bullying often takes the form of a couple of active and a group of passive/complicit bullies against one employee. Serial bullying takes on one victim at a time. You can see this every day in medicine, whether it's nurses, residents and interns, or doctors. My husband was a partner in a very prestigious Main Line Philadelphia hospital practice, and was bullied by his own partners for years, and finally fired. The group had done this to at least 3 others, but he didn't see it coming. The bullying took the form of excluding him from group meetings, pay cuts, gossip and innuendo about his work performance, and direct verbal abuse by peers in group meetings.
Fallout from workplace bullying: financial ruin, anxiety, depression, substance abuse, suicidal ideation and planning, domestic violence, exacerbation of existing health problems, emergence of new medical conditions, family dysfunction, loss of resilience and self esteem, demotivation, unexplainable gaps in employment affecting further employment.
The bottom line: while school districts are mandating anti-bullying policies in public schools, bullying is still LEGAL and not easily remedied in the workplace.
Bullying other kids in school was a lot of fun. Heck I got bullied as well. It's something that absolutley MUST happen people! Get over it already!
@OldMan100: Your tag says it all, time to move on and take your outdated ideas with you. :Leave the world to sensible caring people.
defund baby boomers
Go back to bed now, sweetie. A nap will do you good.
Even for a troll you are both boring and predictable.
Nothing unusual here. Rare perhaps, for the sane members of society, but I've worked at two companies in my lifetime where this scene played out nearly exactly as filmed - IBM (yup Big Blue) and Van Herrick's. Drama queens, i.e. bullies, love this interaction and most of the time it goes unnoticed.
More often than not it's even supported, even though it's easy to act as if nobody ever knew about "it".
What to expect when kids get their brains washed in all kinds of non-rights?
What to expect when founding daddies are being abused to set folks up against each other as well as indoctri-nation v.s. indoctri-nations?
What to expect when utterly nonsense is in power?
The only "thing" which brought mankind any further is scientific in it's being, not religious assumptions nor political versions thereof.
Recognizing the bully is already within would be a start...kids will be kids, the rules are a mandatory tradition bullied upon generations by those who have been dead for quite some time.
Mostly positions filled by those who wouldn't stand a chance in life without the "rights" being taught to those who can't reach their vaults with their pitchforks.
I only observe cowards....cowards dressed up in monkey pride that is....it's a hierarchy* of barbarians**
* ties optional, batteries not included**.
But wait there's more!
If you surrender today we'll skip the manhandling.
What to expect?
Funny, (neo-)management ís the bully yet it's been brought in ways that are extremely hard to tackle, if "only" because of systematic "rights" of those who have a degree...in what doesn't even matter.
And what to think of the "rights" to inherit (whatever comes in handy)?
"We" do not only allow bullying in the "work"place to happen but have made it a mandatory experience.
'Cause the winner takes all right?...kids only mimic...a.k.a. monkey see, monkey do.
More victims for the victim society. Grow a pair.
Yeah, sure. You're equating this with someone who's on welfare, or a victim of the economy? It's not exactly the same thing. This isn't a liberal or conservative thing at all. I wasn't bullied because my dad was a marine and taught me how to fight well as a kid, but it would really suck to be bullied, and something needs to be done about. For what it matters, I'm a Republican.
I got a pair and mines are bigger than yours.
That remark makes me wonder what makes you a 'winner'.
If I was being bullied, the last thing I'd want is a bigger pair for him to kick.
After watching the VP debate, its clear that Joe Biden should watch this video.
More like everyone in our do-nothing Congress.
1. I'm so glad that this discussion about bullying is occurring. 2. Some kids and adults need to be taught to change their behaviors so that others won't instinctively (animalistically) want to bully them; some people go a around with "I'm a victim; hurt me please" signs taped to their chests. 3. Joe Biden was taking part in a debate that was supposed to have a winner and a loser. He "fought" fairly. He was not a bully. Neither was Romney in his debate. Romney was just a liar and the prez didn't fight back, unfortunately. 4. Teachers are often the worst bullies, both to the kids and to other teachers.
On a planet where the "winners" take all and is "allowed" get away with it?
One thing is for sure, mankind has an awful lot to un-learn before the monkey in us doesn't stand a chance any more.
Somehow I think Paul "Biceps" Ryan can take care of himself.
The next PSA should be examples of the office mindgames and hazing inflicted by senior management on middle management and supervisors. I've never been in a job where I wasn't the victim of hazing and mental bullying by either my direct boss or upper management. Because of the economy and lack of jobs, people think they have to endure this type of bullying to keep their jobs, and I felt that way and endured the bullying until I had a nervous breakdown. Corporate cultures in almost all of my previous jobs have ignored and/or encouraged this type of behavior. It needs to end. Human resource and employee assistance is also not immune to this type of behavior and they are often the enablers by not dealing with complaints.
You're right, but unfortunately, HR is useless in these situations. They are just as scare as everyone else for their jobs. They're good, perhaps, for other administrative matters, but they will always toe the line. I was a victim of head games by a Senior VP, and so is everyone else in the company beneath him, and it finally cost me my job.
OK, This is a good start. Now let's bring the anti-bullying message to the adults who really need to hear it, our religious leaders who bully gay men, women and children from their pulpits. Anti-gay sentiment is not an expression of religious freedom. It is a form of bigotry that must not be tolerated in any form.
Wow, you are unbelievably brave.
Tyranny disguised as religious freedom is never beyond reproach. When dogma violates human rights, promotes ignorance or contradicts proven science we have a responsibility to expose the practice, positively identify it as harmful and pursue its removal from the realm of protected religious freedoms. If we sincerely believe racism, bigotry, lies and disinformation are destructive forces and seek to eliminate them in our secular lives, why on earth would we allow them to exist unabated in any religious doctrine?
If you don't want to be bullied at church don't go. Problem solved fruitcake.
Aren't you a miserable one?
ZysPsyk gets bullied at home by his wife and can't get it up, so he comes on here and acts tough. She calls him Floppy or Scrotum Boy. She makes him shave her legs and pits, and clean the toilet with his toothbrush.
Yep, but what if you don't want to be bullied by the other religious thingy known as nations and everything tied to that?
Good for you. I concur.
I concur too. But it is so hard to let a bullying teacher or clergyman or your own boss know that he/she is being a bully.
I have been a lifelong victim of bullying by my brothers (2 of 3), and letting them know they are hurting me just gives them satisfaction. It makes them bully me all the more.
bullies grow up to work at schools, and to have bully kids of their own whom they refuse to police... that's why this is perpetuated.
They also grow up to be your boss and if they're not policed, they can destroy their entire workforce by turning their workers against each other by spreading malicious lies and gossip, encouraging name calling, and discrimination. They'll pick targets and pick off their employees one by one. A bully boss will refuse to take responsibility for their own bad behavior and will blame everyone else when they screw up. When you fight back against years of torment , their victims will be retaliated against, lied about and painted as the problem.
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